The Danger In Thinking You’re Special8 min read

Avery: I feel like I’m destined to do something great!

Me: Cool. What makes you believe that?

Avery: I’ve always felt like I’m special.

Me: Why would you think that?

Avery: Excuse me?

Me: You think you’re some gift to the world or something?

And in a flash, Avery’s face became flooded with this victimized expression. His eyes bugged out like he’d just seen a ghost. His body froze as if the thought of not being special could cause paralysis. If someone had taken a snapshot it wouldn’t be farfetched to think he’d recently just been poisoned.

Avery: How DARE you. I’m a NICE person, unlike you. How dare you attack MY dreams and MY PASSION. People tell me I’m so good at dance!

Me: I’m not saying you don’t have talent, but make no mistake – there are many talented people in the world too. Claiming you’re special as the reason you’ll be successful – well you’re just a small fish in a large pond.

Avery’s jaw dropped for about five seconds and he made that high pitched “ah!” sound someone makes when they’re stupidly offended.

Avery: How dare you…how dare you…as if you would know. You have NO experience in dance theory.

Me: Fuck no I don’t. Anyways, you can keep telling yourself that you’re special if it makes you feel better, but it’s doing you more harm than good…

***

“I’m Special.” It’s commonly thrown around now. Parents tell their kids they’re special, people tell themselves that they’re special.

This type of thinking is dangerous though. It’ll rob you of ever finding your stride, your authenticity. In fact, thinking you are special will never allow you to find yourself and have any sense of identity at all.

There is a simple adjustment to make to fix this, but first, let’s take a look at what the full-blown “I’m special” diehard looks like:

The “I’m Special” person

This type of person is very into the idea of destiny. Not to say it’s wrong to believe in destiny, but this person leans on the concept of it a bit too much. It’s one thing to believe everything happens for a reason, it’s another thing to assume that you deserve a reward without putting much work into it, all because of destiny.

Because they’re “special” destiny is the plan. It’ll do the hard work for them. It’ll skip any setbacks, any rejection, any obstacle, and lead them right to their dreams. Destiny has made special reservations for them. They’ve been granted a shortcut. Why would they think this way? Because they are the center of the universe of course.

Because of this you will rarely see the self-proclaimed special person give their best effort. This person only gives partial effort, because if they fail, they can fall back on the idea that they didn’t give their best. Trying their hardest and coming up short is humiliating to them, so they cling to the excuse: oh well, I didn’t try, otherwise I would have succeeded.

While this next statement may sound extreme, it is more common than you may think: The “I’m Special” person sees their self as godlike. In their mind, if you are not confirming their sense of greatness, then something is wrong with you. They will never come out and say it of course – it’s more so, a quiet assumption. A fact in their mind, that they are above others. They don’t live based on reality, they live based on their perception, their infatuation, their illusion.

They are hypersensitive to anything that threatens the idea of their greatness. They sniff out comments or suggestions that had no intended harm but find offense in them. They enjoy laughing at other people, but when the joke is on them they are quick to snap at you. They’ll make you feel guilty for making a joke about them even while it was all with lighthearted, playful intentions.

You’re not special, you’re blessed

You are fortunate to have what you have – to think that means you’re special is completely missing the memo. Someone who refuses to believe that they are blessed, who assumes that they have the hardest life, that person is playing the victim.

You may be healthy, but there are people who are far more health conscious than you that have a disease.

You may be a quick learner, but there are millions out there who have a learning disability.

You may be skilled athletically or artistically, but not everyone was lucky to have had the coaching and mentorship you had.

Even if you’re dealing with a challenge, understand it could always be worse, and for that reason, you are blessed.

Feeling special vs. being authentic

Being authentic is representing your true nature. It is the most real thing in the world. When you fully embrace it, you put something in the world that has never been there before.

The Authentic Individual does not cover up what makes them unique or different, but rather, celebrates it. The “I’m Special” person lives behind a mask disguising who they really are.

The Authentic Individual can laugh at themselves while the “I’m Special” person becomes defensive to anything that does not confirm their high opinion of themselves.

The Authentic Individual isn’t trying to impress others. They’re solely embracing what makes them unique. The “I’m Special” person is always on the clock to impress others, and in turn, never establishes a true sense of identity.

The Authentic Individual stays true to their nature, the “I’m Special” person fakes their impressions.

The Authentic Individual is down to earth whereas the “I’m Special” person feels a sense of entitlement.

The Authentic Individual seeks feedback, the “I’m Special” person seeks self-indulgence.

The Authentic Individual approves of themselves, the “I’m Special” person looks to be approved by others.

The Authentic Individual self-evaluates with real honesty, the “I’m Special” person clings to the BS they tell themselves.

Transforming feeling special to being authentic

Beware of the put-downs you will receive once you begin to fully embrace your authentic self. It is as if nature’s way of testing you if you’re fully committed to being your true self – that even in the face of scrutiny you will not abandon what makes you unique.

Be willing to look at any imperfections, flaws, or quirks and poke fun at them. Anything unusual or different about yourself, do not cover them up – they are often the more likable traits people possess. They are more valuable than gold.

Appreciate these things about yourself and you will tap into unshakeable confidence. Your self-belief will come from within instead of being based on the moment-to-moment opinions of others. This way, when everything seems to be going wrong, on the days it feels like people are against you, you can always fall back on the confidence and appreciation you have for yourself.

Believe you can achieve great things not because you are “special”, but because you are resilient, you are disciplined, because you put in hours of work, and because you are living a purpose-driven life. You can accomplish your goals not because of destiny, but because of the unique set of skills and characteristics you possess that makes your work come to life.

Beware of feeding off of the praise from others. Like a drug, the high feels good, but when you indulge in it too much, you’ll get hooked. Without the praise, without the high, you experience the low, incentivizing you even more to get the next high. It becomes a vicious cycle: feeding off the praise from others, then experiencing the absence of praise, followed by going to greater lengths to cultivate that same rush, only for it to repeat.

There is nothing wrong with appreciating a compliment, but the line is crossed when an individual is driven by praise over purpose. Your inspiration comes from a love for the work, not the gratification from others.

Never forget those who have helped you along the way. We all have had some type of help in our journey – people who say they’re completely self-made are full of shit. Always be thankful for the coaching, the support, and the lessons you’ve been blessed with on your path. This will keep things in proportion and keep you down to earth.

***

Principle: Put thinking you’re special to rest. Instead, be authentic by embracing your true nature.

The “I’m Special” person views themselves as godlike. They are elite to others, and to question their greatness is cause for punishment. They cling a bit too much to the idea of destiny, under the assumption the universe has made them an exception.

Authenticity is representing your true nature. It is all that you are and what makes you unique. There are no masks to be worn on the Authentic Individual, there are no illusions to be held. The authentic person is happy with themselves and can always fall back on that appreciation they have for themselves when things get tough.

Choose to show your true nature and you put something in the world that has never been there before.

Pitfalls to Avoid:

• Justifying any reason that you may be special.
• Being led by the attention of others rather than the purpose of your work.
• Allowing people’s put-downs prevent you from being your full, authentic self.

Key Takeaways:

•  If you assume you are special, you will never find your stride, you will never establish an identity, you will never embrace your true nature.
• The Authentic Individual can laugh at themselves while the “I’m Special” person becomes defensive to anything that does not confirm their high opinion of themselves.
• Anything unusual or different about yourself, do not cover them up – they are often the more likable traits people possess. They are more valuable than gold.

Taking Action: 

Don’t push the quirks, the imperfections, the things that make you different away. Instead, embrace them and channel them into your daily way of being.