A Phrase Clueless People Say7 min read

I’m at some random gym and have no idea where anything is. Some girl is working out next to me so I figure I’ll ask her where the pull-up bar is. She points it out and I walk over to that direction.

But then some lady in her mid-50s, likely a former soccer mom and current bored housewife, shockingly has an opinion. 

Nosy Ass: Oh honey, she’s married. Move along now.

She looked like one of those moms that keeps up with all of the drama at her daughter’s school. Tired of watching Vampire Diaries and Teen Wolf, she graduated to gossiping about real high school boys.

Me: Uh, what?

Nosy Ass: It’s pretty obvious what you’re trying to do here.

Me: Ya, I’m trying to workout, obviuosly.

Nosy Ass: Ha! No, honey. We all know you’re trying to get into her pants.

Me: Because if I have a conversation with some chick the only possible explanation is that I’m trying to fuck her. 

Her face floods with this victorious smile – there was a conviction in her eyes, a self-righteous feel to her presence. 

Nosy Ass: I’m REALLY good at reading people. You’re not fooling anyone.

Me: You totally got me. This is the only way I get girls to talk to me. By asking where pull-up bars are located.

That orange, leathery skin tightens up. You could tell she’d lost many battles to the sun, roughed up but not defeated. Her enthusiasm hadn’t completely gone dry, she still had some fight left in her. Her brow furrows, her resolve doubles.

Nosy Ass: No, no honey, I can tell what type of guy you are. I can read you like a BOOK.

Me: Look, if you’re frustrated that you haven’t gotten laid in over a year just come out and say it. You’re not fooling anyone.

Her jaw drops like a python getting ready to swallow a horse.  

Nosy Ass: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? How dare you!

Me: Trust me, I’m REALLY good at reading people. 

She didn’t catch the sarcasm. Maybe she was too distracted that the above statement actually had some truth in it. 

Nosy Ass: You don’t even know who I am!

Me: Exactly.

***

“I’m REALLY good at reading people”

– Clueless, delusional person

If this phrase has ever been dropped on you chances are that person was not only annoying, but completely inaccurate. They learn one detail about your life and assume they know what you’re going through. One glance at you and they think they have you all figured out. They are so unaware that they think they are the aware ones.

But this post applies not only to clueless people but to intelligent ones as well. If you’re reading this, chances are you’re not clueless, but actually quite an aware person – but there is always more to know, about yourself and other people, which is why it’s important to always be in a constant flow of learning and growth. Applying the principle in this post will raise your social awareness and grant you a deeper understanding of people. 

First, let’s cover what’s clueless about this phrase, and then dig into the principle that will heighten your social awareness:

Why it’s a clueless phrase

A Lazy Way of Thinking

Anytime people jump to conclusions and put full-faith into their assumptions, they’re being lazy with their thinking. It’s taking the thought-process with the least resistance – assuming you know rather than questioning your assumptions and paying attention to context, to facts. 

One detail about you is vaguely similar to another person, so they assume you are identical to that person. They jump to the conclusion, ignoring any surrounding details. This is a lazy way of thinking. You can find correlations or similarities in nearly any two people but that does not make them the same.

They think they don’t have biases

The people who think they have unbiased, unskewed, flawless vision are the blind ones. Yes, some people are more objective in their thinking than others, but we all have biases that stem from previous experiences that shape how we view things. Every person perceives and interprets information in a unique lens for this reason. 

Having a unique perspective can turn into being too attached to personal biases if we’re not careful. The clueless person assumes their biases are facts when they are actually opinions.

They will cling to the one time they were vaguely correct with an assumption in the past, and ignore the other 99% of the time when their snap judgments were inaccurate.

They overestimate their intelligence

Those that assume they’re REALLY good at reading people carry a type of arrogance that blinds them from the truth. They see only what they want to see, it is the very reason why they’re clueless. Convinced they’re an expert at reading people, they only reveal their intrigue to learn more has come to an end.

The most intelligent people do not hesitate to acknowledge how much more there is to learn. They never assume they’ve “seen it all” and have people all figured out. They already know what their own interests are – learning about others is more exciting to them rather than being trapped in only what they think.

The clueless person has a narrow mind for the familiar and mundane, the wise person has an open mind for discovery and curiosity.   

Heighten Your Awareness

We tend to think we are more intelligent than we actually are, but a wise person knows this and keeps their ego in check. They choose facts over opinions, realism over preference, context before conclusions. 

How to gain awareness is by giving less attention to snap judgments and more attention to context. Our experiences leading up to this point shape and influence how we view things and form opinions. That cannot be changed. But what can be changed is focusing on the context before jumping to conclusions. 

The context is the circumstances of the event. Things such as:

• What that person is currently going through
• Outside details
• A person’s beliefs
• A person’s values
• Recurring behavior 
• Backstory/prior experiences

Think of a movie you watched that had a ton of backstory and depth to it. Perhaps there are many flashbacks to a prior event. Now imagine that movie without any backstory, flashbacks, or prior knowledge of that character’s past. How different would it be? Chances are there would be a drastic difference. While nothing may have changed, information was withheld, which changes the entire meaning. 

Also, consider the last time someone assumed something about you. It likely not only didn’t feel good but was inaccurate. This inaccuracy stems from having zero context. How can someone make a fair assessment of you if they have no knowledge of your circumstances, previous experiences, what you’re going through, what your values and beliefs are? 

This is how important context is, and why people who say they’re REALLY good at reading people are clueless. When questioned they will reassert that they are some exception and have an ability to read people, but this is the very reason they have clouded vision – blurred by their biases, deceived by their ego. You cannot make accurate conclusions without context.

Raise your awareness by paying attention to context. Do this by:

• Suspending the need to form an immediate opinion. 
• Ask questions before jumping to answers.
• Become the inquisitive individual. 
• Never think you’ve “seen it all.”
• Adopting a child-like curiosity about people.

Principle: Heighten your social awareness by prioritizing context before conclusions.

The clueless person jumps to conclusions, mistakes their opinions for facts, and think they know everything, but it is all quite the contrary. They are the most easily fooled because they put full faith into their biases and assumptions, blind to hidden motives people may have. This makes them easily manipulated, often taking on the role of playing the victim once they realize they’ve been betrayed or treated unfairly. They will cling to lies how there was nothing they could have done, how there was no way they could foresee the injustice, but they’re only deceiving themselves. 

The wise individual prioritizes learning the context before jumping to conclusions.  Focus on learning context first and you will see the situation more objectively and clearly. Put context first and you and you gain deeper insight into those around you. Put context first and you not only protect yourself from those with ill intentions but also set yourself up to connect well with the gems who have the best intentions. 

Pitfalls to Avoid:

• Assuming you are an expert at “reading people.”
• Thinking you’ve “seen it all.”
• Finding one similarity between two people and thinking they are identical.

Key Takeaways:

• The context is that person’s circumstances – prior experiences, what they’re going through, their beliefs, their values, their past behavior.
• A wise person chooses facts over opinions, realism over preference, context before conclusions. 
• Anytime you put learning about someone before jumping to conclusions then you are putting context first. 

Taking Action:

Heighten your social awareness of people by asking questions about them, paying attention to their past experiences and behavior, and learning what their values and beliefs are.