“We find comfort among those who agree with us, growth among those who don’t”

– Frank Clark

Guy: I don’t watch sports. The Illuminati is behind it all.

Me: How is that possible?

Guy: All athletes go through an initiation process with the Illuminati in exchange for natural talent.

He said it in the way people say the sky is blue. It was a fact with a hint of duh in his tone.

Me: So, Kobe and LeBron didn’t have talent…it was the Illuminati.

Guy: YES!!! The Illuminati is controlling everything we see.

Me: Then why do they train?

Guy: You saw the Super Bowl. When the Patriots were down 28-3 to the Falcons do you really think Tom Brady made that comeback on his own? Of course not. He went in at halftime and the Illuminati gave him power. No way he could have made those throws in the second half on his own.

………………………………I CAN’T make this up.

This guy was trapped in a bubble. He only surrounded himself and spoke with those of the same radical conspiracies as him. To such an extreme, it ended up disconnecting himself from others. There are much more radical conspiracies he has, but one mind-shattering head-scratcher is enough for this week.

The more alternative reasons for athletes being skilled (such as something called practice) were presented, the more dismissive he became.

How’s it feel when someone instantly dismisses your viewpoint? One of the biggest barriers to growing as a person is only clinging to people who share identical beliefs. Not maintaining an open mind may seem like a minor issue, but beneath the surface, there are some pretty serious consequences:

It reveals a lack of empathy toward others.

Empathy is understanding and sharing the feelings of others. How is it possible for somebody to empathize with another person when they’re choosing not to understand them? It isn’t possible.

This person may be quiet when you speak, but that doesn’t mean they’re listening. They may passively nod, but that doesn’t mean they agree.

The only people this person empathizes with are those with the same beliefs as them. However, it is very rare to find people with the same beliefs across the board. They may find common ground on politics but see differently on parenting. That means they’ll only empathize with what they see eye-to-eye on, and dismiss anything outside of it. Sadly, this unwillingness to understand others will result in a lonely life.

It’s egotistical.

Shutting down others who may differ in opinion is an elitist point of view, to begin with. It’s minimizing others to maintain the feeling of being superior. Unfortunately, when a truly rigid person’s beliefs are challenged, it only strengthens their resolve to be committed to their beliefs.

I believe this happens out of fear – they don’t want to risk understanding someone’s opinion as it may change their viewpoint, and that’s scary to them. So, the convenient way to maintain their beliefs is to think their beliefs are superior.

A lot of this blog talks about the problem with ego. Ego gets you off the path. Ego clouds your judgment. Ego is too fragile to handle haters. Ego shrinks in high-pressure situations.

Only surrounding yourself with people that have the same beliefs will develop a cynicism toward anyone outside of your circle. Clinging to your own beliefs is self-centered and divides you from the rest of the world. It’s implying I have nothing left to learn. You can’t teach me anything, which brings us to the next pitfall…

It’s the end to personal growth.

“You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore”

– Andre Gide

Sometimes learning new things means un-learning current things. It’s not just the people you surround yourself with – exposing yourself to the same type of book over and over also qualifies. A health practitioner that doesn’t stay up to date with new research falls under this category. A personal trainer that relies on methods that were popular in the 70’s, yet have been proven ineffective, counts too.

Make no mistake – the habit of only being around those who have the same beliefs as you will carry over into your career, relationships, health, among much more. Being unwilling to be around different opinions comes with an unwillingness to adapt to new strategies. That means, you could be missing out on new information that makes you healthier, more fit, more knowledgeable, and more efficient with your work in half the time (think Tim Ferriss).

“It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.”

– Epictetus

Only being around those you agree with, in time, breeds ignorance. If you’re only aware of your own perspectives, how can you possibly expand your knowledge? It traps you in a bubble.

It causes delusion.

There are people who say they’re open minded, but the only things they’re “open minded” with, are topics they already agree on. It’s quite delusional.

The rigid person often resorts to something called confirmation bias – they interpret any new information as support for their own claim. They’ll twist and shape it’s meaning so it fits their own beliefs.

It’s not uncommon for hardcore conspiracy theorists to use confirmation bias to support even the most radical claims. They’ll find the slightest correlation and use it to support their belief, no matter how unrelated. Correlation doesn’t equal causation, however. So flat-earthers, believers in lizard people, “We’re living amongst 100 foot giants” claimers – you’re not fooling anyone.

What does open minded mean?

“Open your arms to change but don’t let go of your values.”

– Dalai Lama

Open minded doesn’t mean you agree with everything. It means you genuinely listen and consider outside viewpoints before shutting them down. It means you’re not obsessed with being right and getting the last word in. Open minded comes with a sense of humility knowing there is always new information to learn and room for improvement.

“The more I learn, the less I realize I know.”

– Socrates  

You need to be firm in some beliefs, but not at the expense of dismissing others people’s. Principles you live your life by that are centered on being the best person you can be, remain firm on those. You can still be open minded without compromising your values.

“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything”

– Gordon A. Eadie

Offending people vs. Harming people

There is a difference between offending people vs. harming people. Anytime you open your mouth you risk offending someone. Does that mean you shouldn’t speak? There are people who get offended if you eat meat. Are you harming those people by eating meat? There are people who get offended if you ask where they’re from. Are you harming them? A person’s arbitrary interpretation is beyond your control.  

Harming someone can be bullying, showing contempt, or being prejudiced toward others. If someone is pressing a belief on you that is harmful to others, then that belief should be dismissed. That’s where having boundaries and backbone comes in.

Does that mean you should get into a heated argument? No. Often that is what someone is baiting you into. The moment you see someone’s commitment to an absurd belief, let go of the need to be right, and walk away. It’s not worth the time and effort. They’re not looking to have a rational discussion.  

Principle: Remain open minded without sacrificing your values.

Treat people with kindness, but be careful if you allow them into your inner circle. Anyone in your inner circle serves as a significant influence on who you are. They’ll rub off on you for better or for worse. Do not make the mistake of thinking you’re different, that there’s no way their negativity could influence you. They will, slowly and invisibly. Beyond your recognition, they will impact your perspective.

Think about all of the pitfalls in only being around those with the same beliefs: It makes someone less empathetic. It makes them egotistical. It twists and turns information into delusion. It’s an end to growing and improving.

The simple adjustment to prevent this from happening is to maintain an open mind when others share their perspective. Consider their stance, but never sacrifice your values.

Pitfalls to Avoid:

• Getting into an argument with someone just because they have a difference of opinion.
• Allowing closed minded people into your inner circle.
• Undermining the consequence of only being around those you agree with on everything.

Key Takeaways:

• Surrounding yourself with people that have the same beliefs will develop a cynicism toward anyone outside of your circle.
• Exposing yourself to people with the same opinions shelters you from new ideas that could make you healthier, more fit, more knowledgeable, plus much more.
• Remain firm on principles that challenge you to be the best person you can be.

Taking Action:

Choose growth over comfort.