House parties are hit and miss. Sometimes people bring all the alcohol you’ll need, other times people burn in a hole in your couch. Sometimes awesome people show up, sometimes frat boys show up. Call me old fashion, but I don’t exactly like hearing frat guys yell “LET’S GOOOO” every five seconds. Especially when playing…
Being a high school substitute teacher comes with many meaningful days. Days when a few words of encouragement inspire students to be better. Days when you see students grow before your very eyes. Days when students teach you things about life in a way that no adult possibly could. Today was not one of them. …
I’m sitting outside a coffee shop with a few friends and my buddy Kevin starts telling us a story about how he got praised at work for doing absolutely nothing: Kevin: I woke up and didn’t feel like working. I called into work and said I’m “going through something” and need “self-care.” They immediately became…
I’m sipping on some bone broth outside and notice a lady storming right in my direction. She was slender in stature but made up for it with a fierce, relentless look in her eye. It was windy so her oversized shirt and baggy gaucho pants flared up making her look extra frightening. Her high heels…
Participation trophies Ordering food at the strip club Askholes who request your advice but never take it Reality TV Getting in fights over hand sanitizer Cry closets Dating someone crazy Taking calls on speakerphone in line at coffee shops A housewife who forgot to hang a live, laugh, love sign in the kitchen Buying…
Think of that annoying kid in fifth grade who bragged about all the participation trophies he got despite coming in 18th place. Now, imagine an adult version of that kid dressed up in an orange polo with plaid shorts that only trust fund babies wear, and voila, you have Frat Boy. The only thing missing…
I’m at a party bullshittin’ with some friends but someone across the room captures my full attention: She had multi-color hair, a fun-size frame, and a smile that would make a virgin fall to his knees and cry. But what was most attractive is how she carried herself. She seemed comfortable with herself, uninterested in…
Six or seven nights a week I spend an hour or more laughing my ass off to the most random shit on the internet. And I mean howling laughter. I wake my roommates up. You can hear me across the street. You’d think I’m intoxicated, but I’m not. This is my fuck-around hour. It’s my…
I’m at some random gym and have no idea where anything is. Some girl is working out next to me so I figure I’ll ask her where the pull-up bar is. She points it out and I walk over to that direction. But then some lady in her mid-50s, likely a former soccer mom and…
Meet my friend Pedro: Standing as tall as an indoor plant, an expression that fits the profile of a cat that just woke up from a sixteen-hour nap, rocking a permanent fuck you stamped on his forehead, Pedro is one of a kind. He isn’t one to be fond of people, which for some reason…
