I’m sipping on some bone broth outside and notice a lady storming right in my direction. She was slender in stature but made up for it with a fierce, relentless look in her eye. It was windy so her oversized shirt and baggy gaucho pants flared up making her look extra frightening. Her high heels…
Think of that annoying kid in fifth grade who bragged about all the participation trophies he got despite coming in 18th place. Now, imagine an adult version of that kid dressed up in an orange polo with plaid shorts that only trust fund babies wear, and voila, you have Frat Boy. The only thing missing…
I’m writing at a local Starbucks, and some guy I’d see there from time to time sits next to me. He looked like Jacob from the movie Road Trip: long-ish blond hair styled similar to a bowl-cut, but all over the place like he’d just walked out of the strip club. Know-it-all glasses complemented with…
Six or seven nights a week I spend an hour or more laughing my ass off to the most random shit on the internet. And I mean howling laughter. I wake my roommates up. You can hear me across the street. You’d think I’m intoxicated, but I’m not. This is my fuck-around hour. It’s my…
If you haven’t read part one of Halloween Gone Wild, give it a quick read first. This is part two. I’d just stood my ground from some bitch-boy getting in my face. He and his supposed girlfriend walk away for what is his likely hourly punishment. Fiona and I take some more shots of Patron’…
It’s my first week at a university and I’m about to meet with a professor for a one-on-one writing session. We were instructed to write a paper about one of those pompous ass theorists who seem more interested in confusing you than making actual sense. The professor glances at my paper and her face looked…
I met a girl at some random spot in nature and we set up a date the next day. I insisted we do something like get coffee or walk by the pier but we ended up going on the most generic, underwhelming date ever – lunch. Lunch or dinner is my least favorite type of…
I’m no hippie, but I’ve been to quite a few of their gatherings. You’d think not believing in horoscopes, loving steak, and wearing deodorant would make me forbidden from attending – but they’ve always been welcoming and kind to me. Then again, people always think I’m high. When you’ve been accused of being high by…
In college I was a mentor for incoming transfer students and worked alongside a professor in class who, well, had a colorful personality: He stood a fierce five feet two inches but had the Complex aggression of Napoleon, I mean a lion. This little man looked like life chewed him up and spit him out…
I’m at a party and some guy across the room is pointing and laughing at me with his friends. This isn’t uncommon when I go out, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. I get a closer look at him: The dude was built like a yam. Gravity was no longer just a theory…
