Your Ex Is Posting About You On Social Media & What To Do About It8 min read

Friend: Dude, she’s doing it again…

Me: Still?

Friend: Yeah, look at this:

*opens Facebook app*

Angry Ex: “I HATE HIM SO MUCH!!! I WANT TO THROW ROCKS AT HIS HOUSE!!!…but I like his cat.”

Me: Rocks?  What is this, the fuckin Stone Age?

Friend: Haha…I don’t even know man…

Me: What’s next, shoot me with a bow & arrow?  Send her minions at me with spears and pitchforks?   

I don’t know which is crazier: the fact that she ANNOUNCED her intentions of vandalism to the WORLD, or that a cat was able to neutralize a Crazy’s plans (something I’d been unsuccessful at for years). 

Me: I should start putting a beware of cat sign outside.

Friend: There’s more… 

*scrolls down*

Angry Ex: “YOU KNOW WHAT I DON’T MISS? My last relationship. Im sooo much better off w/out him. Hes the WORST thing that evr happened to me.  I miss the relatinoship I had before him. MY OTHER EX WAS SOOO MUCH BETTER.”

I can totally picture her writing all of this: pale grey sweatpants, super tight ponytail, wearing her oversized black-rimmed reading glasses.

And of course, with the Stage 5 Crazy expression: eyebrows slanted downward, lazer-focused eyes, a look of resolve, restlessness, and vengeance. 

If you ever see this expression in person…

Run. 

Luckily, I was at a safe distance.

Me: Good for her.

*scrolls down*

Angry Ex: “I WISH I NEVER MET HIM!! I HOPE HE DIES ALONE!!!”

Me: Die alone? At this rate I’d be lucky to live a few more years…

Friend: It’s everyday man.

Me: No regrets. 

***

You’ve done all you can – you cut off communication with your ex. You blocked him on social media. You blocked her phone number. You’re trying to be the mature adult and do the right thing, yet your ex will not let up. He wants revenge. She won’t let it go. Your ex is looking for ways to get under your skin, posting nasty things about you, knowing at one point or another someone will tell you about the posts.

Your ex may spread rumors about you on social media, creating lies to align others against you. Your ex is determined to get you to cave, to get you to break. They’re on a mission to make you miserable.

Even if you’ve never dealt with an ex that has tried to do this, the chances of never experiencing a harsh break up in your life are slim. It’s not fun. Whether you’ve dealt with this in the past or not, being prepared of how to respond before the nasty posts begin is crucial. If not learned, once all the posts begin you risk getting sucked into the emotional vortex and start feeling terrible. But if learned, you’ll be able to disarm the attacks before they even happen.

The goal of this post is to show you how to handle an ex posting unkind things about you to the public. It’s not about revenge. It’s not about getting the last word in. It’s about how to be stronger despite someone trying to hurt you.

Let’s begin.

The only way to protect you from someone you deeply cared about that is trying to hurt you is to be unattached from their games. 

Unattached doesn’t mean you’re numb to what you once felt for them. It doesn’t mean you’re over them. There’s no switch you can flip and turn your feelings off. Unattached means you have made the decision to move on. You’ve made the decision to no longer be a part of that person’s life. That small part of you that has hope for the relationship in the future – that path has to be closed.

Unattached is not the same thing as detached described in other posts. Detached is having the ability to take a step back and view your situation objectively in high pressure situations. Unattached means no longer being tied to the relationship, and instead, have chosen to move forward with your life.

You can still have feelings for your ex while making the commitment to cut off all possibilities of getting back together. Getting over someone you care about takes time, but making the decision to move on happens in an instant.

They’re not who you thought they were

First, you need to accept this: that person you were in love with – all those kind words they said, all those special moments you shared, the companionship you felt – They’re not who you thought they were.

That’s not who you fell in love with. That person doesn’t exist. Posting hurtful things for everyone to see – your ex is crazy. Now, more than ever should prove this – they’ve shown you their true colors. Not until you accept this will you be able to protect yourself.

This may make you feel angry towards them. It may feel like they were never their true self around you – this is another crucial factor to be aware of – if you resent them, you will never be unattached from their games. They could have said the most horrible things, but if you hold on to a grudge, you’re making yourself vulnerable to future pain. You must be able to acknowledge they’re not who you thought they were without being resentful. This may be the hardest thing to do, but the best thing you can do to move forward and be unattached from their games is to wish them the best and mean it.

The Relentless Ex

So, you wish the best for your ex, but they’re STILL posting nasty things on social media. The truth is, your ex’s intentions will actually backfire on them. People will see them and think:

“Wow, good thing he got out while he could.”

“Dang. She must be relieved to be free of that psycho babble bullshit.”

“I can’t take it anymore. I’m blocking this batshit-crazy attention whore.”

If someone asks you about a post your ex wrote, especially if your ex created a lie, simply tell them the truth, and say you wish them the best. Let’s say your ex is telling everyone you cheated on them and you didn’t. If someone asks you this in person, it’s perfectly fine to mention you were faithful throughout the relationship. State that once, but do not feel the need to justify yourself and convince every waking person.

If they keep prying personal information out of you, simply say “We were unable to have an adult relationship. I’m not here to gossip though.” and dismiss any further conversation. If they still are prying you for more information, then likely that person is one of your ex’s minions being sent to provoke a response out of you. Assume you’re being recorded and say nothing that would stir up some drama. 

The #1 mistake to avoid…

The very worst thing you can do is create social media posts in response to your ex’s. That will make you look so low, and equal to their immature behavior. It doesn’t matter how “indirect” your post is – everyone will notice.

Posting a pic with a bunch of girls? That counts.

Posting yourself taking shots at parties? That qualifies.

Posting scandalous photos of yourself? Don’t kid yourself.

Any post that is intended to capture how much “better off” you are without your ex falls into this category.

No flexing on your ex here. If you catch yourself doing this, then you haven’t made the decision to move on from your ex and are vulnerable to your ex’s future attempts to break you. 

Redirect your focus

I get it – every emotion in you wants to react, to justify, to get the last word. The last thing you want to do is nothing. But when I say nothing, I say do nothing directed at your ex. 

Because the goal is never to suppress emotions, but rather channel them into something productive. Find an outlet to express them in a healthy way.

Creative works are amplified when you pour everything you feel into it.

Reflections are much deeper and foster greater breakthroughs when your emotions are heightened. 

And the opportunity for growth is at its peak when our strength is challenged. The greatest windows for growth are in times of stress, not when things are easy. 

Just as mentioned earlier, the small part of you that wants to be connected to the relationship – that path has to be closed – this new outlet is the alternative path you journey on. It replaces an empty path with a fulfilling path.

This path takes courage to step into but is the path that makes you bulletproof to the games your ex plays against you. 

Principle: Absence is stronger than words. When your ex posts about you, remove yourself from the drama: say nothing, do nothing. 

The nasty posts are all a ploy to get your attention. React to the drama and you play directly into your ex’s hands. 

That involves cutting off all communication. It involves, despite what they post, never engaging in the drama. It involves accepting they’re not the person you were in love with while at the same time not being bitter towards them.  If you can do this, then you will be able to dismiss your ex’s posts without a second thought.

Pitfalls to Avoid:

• Allowing a small feeling of hope of getting back together to linger around.
• Posting how much “better off” you are without your ex.
• Saying negative things about your ex when someone asks you about their posts (it may be one of their minions).

Key Takeaways:

• Being unattached doesn’t mean you don’t care about that person or are emotionally numb. It means you’ve made the decision to move forward with your life.
• Cut off all possibilities of getting back together with your ex.
• Being unattached disarms your ex from their crazy babble bullshit.

Taking Action:

Anytime your ex posts something not so nice about you, turn your focus to what life has in store for you and get after that.

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

– Socrates

A comprehensive list of what drives your ex crazy can be found here.

If you happen to date the same type of person over and over, check out this post.

If your ex is still acting like you two are together, yet you’ve been broken up, this post may save you.

Further literature about the type of “bait” a Crazy will undoubtedly try to trap you with can be found here.

In good health,

Julian