A Quick, Simple Checklist To See If You’re Dating A Crazy Or Not4 min read

Admit it, you’ve had your suspicions, but you try your best to avoid thinking about it. Maybe this has kept you up at night, or maybe this is a thought that quickly comes and goes. But one thing that you can’t deny? 

It’s on your mind. 

That alone should TERRIFY you. Before you know it, you’ll have to go on full lockdown procedure and change your lifestyle just because you didn’t take the time to review a simple checklist.

Do you want to compromise your wellbeing, your career, your personal dignity, the safety of you and your loved ones? 

Didn’t think so.

It’s time to look at a tough, but very possible truth – you may very well be a victim of the wrath of the Crazy and not even know it. Let’s get right down to it once and for all:

The “Am I dating a Crazy?” Checklist:

∗ Has beaten multiple people with a shoe.

Roxy: I beat this kid up with a shoe yesterday. He wouldn’t shut the fuck up about his stupid dog.

Me: Um…a SHOE?

Roxy: Yes a shoe. Haven’t you ever heard of people getting beat up with a shoe? I’ve hit multiple guys with shoes. I’m proud of it.

∗  They can’t insult you and be grammatically correct at the same time.

“You a jerk.”

“I seen you be a dick”

“You couldn’t have been a more worst boyfriend tonight.”

∗  Freaks out if you forget one detail about their life.

Shellie: I can’t wait to see my best friend’s sister’s twice removed half cousin later!!!

Me: Who?

Shellie: OH MY GAWWWD I TOLD YOU ALREADY HOW COULD YOU FORGET?!

∗  Makes a scene on an airplane during a red-eye flight waking up everyone in your section.

Scarlett: [snaps fingers] HAILEY, ASHLEY – WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS, GET OVER HERE!! MY SEAT WON’T RECLINE. THIS [dramatic pause, points finger in the air] ] IS BULLSHIT! I WANT A DIFFERENT SEAT. NOW!

∗  Creates a fake Facebook of your cat [or any animal].

Destiny: Oh my god! Somebody made a Facebook of your cat!

Me: Funny, that pic looks EXACTLY like the one you took from your camera yesterday.

Destiny: Wow! Someone from my photography class musta’ stole the pic!

∗  They sell their parent’s car on Craigslist for extra cash while they’re on vacation in Bali.

I thought the strip club paid well though?

∗  You say something completely normal but there is a random silence with their eyes peering deeply into you.

Me: I like avocados.

Scarlett freezes, eyes boring deep into my soul, transfixed in the most peculiar way. But in a few moment’s time, just like that, her eyes refocus and she comes back to reality.

Maybe something you said caused a glitch in the crazy-brain and they had to pause to reroute how to fuck your shit up.

∗  They aren’t taking their anti-psychotic medication consistently.

Brace yourself.

∗  Chews on sweatshirt while hanging out with you in the beginning phase of the relationship.

Has happened with multiple former girlfriends. Why? No fucking clue, but they were all crazy, so it must mean something.

∗  Hires a fake therapist to prove they’re right and you’re wrong.

I’m almost convinced this has happened to me, but I’ve also heard of it happening to others. Be on high alert.

∗  Takes bottomless mirror selfies in a Starbucks bathroom and then uploads it to Facebook.

Crayyyyy-zeeeeeeeeee.

∗  They make “jokes” about stalking your ass.

Misty: Wouldn’t it be funny if I could see wherever you go.

Me: Hahaahahahaahaah. No.

∗  You hear yourself justifying ABSURD things they do. 

She only broke that guy’s jaw because she was mad. She RARELY does this.

So what if she has two sugar daddies, drug dealer friends, and pulled out a gun on me and some friends once? That was THREE MONTHS AGO.

∗  Shaves half of their head and takes pictures of the side that’s bald to tell people they have cancer for attention.

Get your fuckin life together if you’re aware of this one and do nothing.

***

There you have it – a quick, short list of red flags to determine whether you’re dating a Crazy or not. If you checked just one of these then make no mistake – your partner is indeed Crazy. 

If by reading this you’ve discovered an ex you dated was crazy and has been harassing you lately, then I recommend becoming familiar with standard lockdown procedure when your ex goes full psycho on you.

Now, maybe you didn’t check any of the boxes yet you’re still convinced you’re dating a Crazy. Friend, that is entirely plausible. There will be a supplementary, IN-DEPTH checklist in the future that offers a deeper analysis of characteristics/actions/behavior of a Crazy.

We need all the protection we can get.

Check yourself, or wreck yourself.