This Is What Every Crazy You Date Will Bait You With12 min read

Elle and I had been dating for a solid couple weeks and things were going better than expected. There were no public scenes being made, no beating people with a shoe, no threatening airline stuartists. Everything was going beyond my hopes and dreams.

But then something out of the blue happens: I get a message on FaceBook from some random profile. It was of a guy who was clearly obsessed with Elle. He had pictures of her on it, his bio was all about her, he even wrote poems about her (either that or he couldn’t be grammatically correct to save his life).

There were photos of him but you couldn’t see his face. He was wearing black skinny jeans in every pic with a tight zip up black sweatshirt. Each pic was taken at an awkward angle like he’s trying to be artistic or whatever. He was like that emo person who takes 300 photos of their face at slightly different angles and then uploads them all. 

Stalker: Hey douchebag, you don’t deserve Elle. She’s way out of your league, and you should recognize that. You’ll never be as good as her last boyfriend Evan was to her. Also your last girlfriend looks like a horse. 

Once I finish laughing at this fuckin psycho I show Elle the message.

Elle: Oh my god! That’s my stalker. I thought he was done. He’s been contacting and saying mean things to any guy I date!

Me: And I thought I attracted the Crazies. 

Elle: I don’t know why he keeps doing this!!!

Me: This dude is delusional.

Elle quickly goes silent.

Me: Elle?

Elle: …well…he has a point.

I don’t believe my ears. Is she really taking the side of this nut? Just when I thought things were chill – no pregnancy scares, no “asking me to meet her mom” or whatever – the stalker disrupted the peace and caused more drama.

Me: Uh..what?

Elle: I’m just used to how Evan treated me.

Me: First of all, Evan is the name of a lesbian’s emasculated brother.

Elle: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT HIM!

Me: Uh…are you ok?

Elle: EVAN would buy me FLOWERS and tell me how much he LOVED me. He would do CHORES for me. He’d make me BREAKFAST IN BED.

I nearly vomit. Flowers? Chores? Breakfast? Is he her fuckin maid, too?

Me: Then go be a femdom with his bitchass. 

Elle leaves and gives me the silent treatment for a day. She breaks the silence a day later like nothing happened. She seemed fine. Just as I thought things were back to normal, I get another message from her stalker:

Stalker: Hey dick look at my profile. 

I go to the stalker’s page and there’s a new video he posted. I kid you not, this really happened:

The video is of some oiled up shirtless Chippendale stripper dancing…but the face is PHOTOSHOPPED WITH A PICTURE OF MY FACE ON IT. It was a four-minute clip of a stripper dry humping chairs and shit but with my face on it. This stalker wasn’t just obsessive, this stalker was creative. 

Me: Who knew escaped mental asylum patients had a sense of humor?

Elle: You think it’s funny?

Me: It’s hilarious.

I’m not gonna lie, it was definitely creepy. Seeing someone who I’ve never met take the time to find my profile, save one of my pics, and photoshop it onto a video of a stripper isn’t comforting. But, when you’ve woken up to your ex with five dudes outside your home in the middle of the night, this is nothing.

Elle: What? You should be PISSED he did that.

Me: Uh, I don’t really care. I can’t control what that psycho does, so why get worked up about it? It’s not like he threatened you or me. 

Elle: Why aren’t you pissed? You’re ALWAYS so chill about EVERYTHING. YOU NEVER GET MAD. 

Me: Because most things aren’t worth getting worked up about. Petty shit people do, I don’t give them the time of day letting them get under my skin. At least I try not to most of the time. When a boundary is crossed, that’s when I’m not fun to deal with. 

Elle: Well, Evan would be furious if this happened to him.

Ohhh, she did NOT just pull the fuckin Evan card again. I’m gettin real tired hearing about this soy-boy. Time to drop a cold dose of realism.

Me: Because he operates out of insecurity and is thin-skinned. You miss being able to have your man in the palm of your hand, providing you a false sense of security and control. You don’t want a relationship, you want a slave. 

Elle: WHAT? HUH? WHAT? NO! THAT’S NOT TRUE!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elle storms out. Two minutes later she comes back because she forgot her keys. She gives me this look and I half expected her to hiss at me. Instead, she slams the door and I don’t hear from her for a few days. But as expected, she acted like nothing happened and went back to being non-confrontational, sweet Elle. 

For the entirety of the relationship the stalker never went away. And there’s a reason for that.

The stalker was Elle.

***

I was conned by the very person I was spending most of my time with. It wasn’t until years after we broke up that one of Elle’s friends told me it was her all along. I never considered it could be her – that seemed too crazy. But that’s the thing about Crazies – they have no limits. They can trick you, they can bait you into thinking things, they can manipulate you and not feel bad.

Maybe you haven’t had someone create a fake Facebook profile of themself and used it to harass you, but one thing we have all experienced are people who continuously look for ways to start drama.

Some may intentionally try to stir up drama, some may do it without realizing it. Some will be very direct in their approach by having outbursts and throwing tantrums, others will be a bit more cunning and use misdirection like Elle.

Elle created the perfect character – an obsessive stalker – as an indirect way to stir up drama. Few would consider an obsessive stalker to have a limit on being creepy or offensive. This is misdirection at it’s finest – she could be as mean and nasty as she wanted without having any tracks. She could play the role of the victim who never started conflict.

Elle strategically used the stalker’s words as support for her arguments. Every criticism was set up with her having another person on her side from the very beginning. If multiple people draw the same conclusion, then there must be some truth in it, or at least Elle would frame it that way.

There are people that cannot function unless there is some chaos going on. These people are Drama-Addicted Crazies. If things are calm, then they’re looking for ways to shake things up and create tension. 

Encountering Drama-Addicted Crazies is not limited to people you date. A Drama-Addicted Crazy can come in the form of that neurotic coworker, that eccentric family member, or even that “friend” who always seems to be stirring the pot. 

Their behavior is rooted in ugly traits – passive aggression, playing the victim, projecting hostility toward you – that you should not concern yourself with trying to fix. Instead, concern yourself of how to handle these people, as the Drama-Addicted Crazies are showing no signs of slowing down…

An All-Time High 

With the rise of social media and advancements in technology, now more than ever people can indirectly stir up drama. Anyone with a smartphone can pull up information about you within minutes. People can track your location, find out where you live, and record you without your consent. Your privacy is as vulnerable as it has ever been, and there is no sign of this slowing down. 

You cannot control this trend, and one of the worst responses to this reality is to resist it.  Resenting this will only work against you. You will be more easily angered when someone finds information about you, compromising your ability to remain calm and composed. You will fall for the bait of getting you to react emotionally rather than strategically, making you more vulnerable to future manipulations. 

Knowledge of how to handle people’s games that seem to come out of nowhere however has never been more valuable than it is today. Instead of hating that people have access to digging up information about you, make this choice instead…

 The Answer To Overcoming Drama 

“When your thoughts, words, and deeds form a seamless fabric, you streamline your efforts and thus eliminate worry and dread.” 

– Epictetus

If there is a perfect example of what integrity is, I think that’s it. 

My definition of integrity is simply Epictetus’ words paraphrased: Integrity is when your beliefs, words, and actions are seamlessly aligned.

Say what you believe. Do what you say. 

If you center what you say around what will please people, you are not saying what you believe. Saying what you believe is speaking your truth – it is honesty in its purest form.

When your actions aren’t in line with what you say, then you’re not being true to who you are. Breaking your word is the most obvious sign that a person is untrustworthy, unreliable, and unconcerned with treating others with respect – the complete opposite of integrity.

If your actions go against your words and beliefs, then you’re bound to be caught by an obsessive Drama-Addicted Crazy. Make no mistake – they have MILITARY GRADE radar sensors that will detect the slightest inconsistency in your character and attack it viciously. 

It’s one thing for a Crazy to stir up drama for no reason, it’s another thing for it to be because you weren’t being true to who you are. If you have any chance at handling drama, you must be true to who you are.

The whole point of someone creating drama is to get you to lose sight of the big picture, become overwhelmed in the moment, and react emotionally. They create drama out of nowhere to catch you off-guard to get you to act uncharacteristically. They are trying to “ambush” you to get the worst possible reaction out of you.

But when you live with integrity, your decisions are no different whether someone is watching or not. Because of this, you won’t be thrown off when drama comes out of nowhere – you’d been living in alignment with your beliefs, words, and actions, all along.

There are “techniques” to remain calm, but if this calmness isn’t rooted in acting on what you believe in, in its purest form, then you will cave. Techniques cannot overpower emotions – only qualities that build character, such as integrity, can.

Eliminate Worry and Dread

Saying what you believe, and doing what you say eliminates worry and dread. When we are true to ourselves there is a self-assured calmness in the mind. 

It’s the ego-maniac or the narcissist whose mind is filled with endless justifications for their actions. Their mind is restless, obsessed over other people’s perceptions. Their outward persona may appear confident to some, but deep down they are the ones filled with worry and dread.

But the individual who embodies integrity does not need to explain themselves to everyone. They do not need to get defensive the moment criticism comes their way. They have nothing to worry about because they are making the same decisions whether somebody is watching or not.  

Streamline Your Efforts

Saying what you believe and doing what you say streamlines your efforts. This means when you are true to yourself, your focus is “streamlined,” zeroed in on the most important things in life – living with a higher purpose, exemplifying strong character, being the best version of you. A type of “mental tunnel-vision” is born – your focus is magnified on things that matter most, blocking the “peripheral” unimportant matters out of sight.

But people who cannot get themselves to voice their beliefs, who lack the discipline to do what they say are the ones wandering aimlessly. Their mind is filled with clutter – a constant mess, hoarded with things that do not serve them, yet they hold on to for dear life. They end up being manipulated by things they have zero control over – the games people play, the hostility they project, the drama they start. 

Live in alignment with your beliefs, words, and actions and your focus will be streamlined. You will lead by purpose over praise – a drive too strong to be hindered by petty games.  You will be more willing to take the risks that only you know are best for you, and you will be exhilarated by this. A sense of adventure when you break free of people’s expectations of you, and lead by your own standards. You will feel more alive than ever.

Principle: Overcome drama people create by living with integrity. 

Integrity is when your beliefs, words, and actions are seamlessly aligned. Without integrity you will fall for the drama that seemed to come out of nowhere. Blindsided by the misdirection, oblivious to the play on your emotions, overwhelmed in the heat of the moment.

The motivation to live with integrity shouldn’t be solely to avoid the drama a Crazy brings into your life. The motivation should come from a set of standards you hold yourself to, because that’s what living with a purpose is all about – being on a mission for reasons that go beyond personal gain. 

People creating drama are trying to bring out the worst in you. But if you live with integrity, you bring out the best in you.

Imagine all of these benefits coming into your life when you live with integrity:

• You won’t be caught off guard when people try to start drama.
• The games people try to manipulate you with will be unsuccessful. 
• You won’t be worried about living to other people’s expectations, because you will be living through your expectations.
• You will carry yourself with a self-assured calmness.
• Your focus will be zeroed in on the most important matters, blocking out all the “clutter” most people hold on to in their mind.
• You will feel more alive than ever.  

And all you have to do is one thing…

Say what you believe, do what you say.

Pitfalls to Avoid:

• Attacks on the ego. This is when it’s most tempting to give in to your emotions and do something uncharacteristic, which is exactly what the Drama-Addicted Crazy is hoping you do. 
• Thinking if someone doesn’t come off as non-confrontational then they’re not one to start drama. 
• Beware of calm waters. It is often calm before the storm, as this Drama-Addicted Crazy is plotting his/her next move.

Key Takeaways:

• Every Crazy you date will continuously look for ways to stir up drama.
• The whole point of someone creating drama is to get you overwhelmed in the moment and react emotionally. Integrity overcomes this because you’d been living in alignment with your words, beliefs, and actions all along – there is nothing to fear.
• Embody integrity every day and you become less concerned with unanimous approval from everyone. Instead, you will be more willing to take the risks that only you know are worth making, and you are exhilarated by this.

Taking Action:

Integrity takes root when your beliefs, words, and actions are consistent whether someone is watching or not. Day by day, make it a habit to say what you believe, and do what you say.

A comprehensive list of what drives your ex crazy can be found here.

If your ex has been keeping tabs on you, then this post is a must-read.

And if your ex has their minions coming after you, here is a guide to overcoming such a deadly predicament.