Fix This Common Mistake In Your Mindset Or You’re Screwed12 min read

Being the king of coming up with dumb ideas, I thought it’d be a great idea to take a cheap, blow-up inflatable raft into the ocean that I bought on Amazon. Also note that this wasn’t a beach that had essentially no current with waves flat as your ex’s pancake butt. This was a surfer’s beach with waves big enough to make a bored housewife scream, making all those botox treatments gone to waste.

Me, JD, and Jasmine arrive at the beach and get to work on blowing up the huge five-person raft. After about twenty minutes of pumping the shit out of the included air pump, the raft is finally blown up. We venture out into the ocean and immediately get flipped the fuck over by a wave. We end up back on the shore and start paddling again. I assure my friends this is just “part of the process” and that we need to get past the waves breaking and then it’ll be mellow. 

We flip upside down at least ten more times, thinking it’s hilarious as fuck. Not gonna lie – getting flipped upside down in a raft is half the fun. Finally, we get past the waves and find a calm spot.

Me: Lets chill here for a second.

What happened next was not planned, but is something that just happened: we all lay back, relax, and…fall asleep. Hold your judgment – getting flipped upside down from a stupid amount of waves will do that to you. 

Some time later, I open my eyes and notice we’d been drifting from shore while we were asleep (what are the odds?). Now we are at least a half-mile away from where we fell asleep at, so I take initiative by waking up JD and Jasmine. 

Me: Hey, guess what? We drifted from our landing spot.

They’re mildly concerned. We proceed by getting the cheap plastic oars that were included with the twenty-dollar raft and start paddling.

Yeah…the ocean gave us all a quick, informative lesson that paddling against the current will only make you drift further. 

Me: Guys, this isn’t working.

Fortunately the current mainly drifted us sideways rather than deep into the ocean where all the bad shit happens. As the current calms down we’re finally able to paddle to shore and get out of the ocean.

Sometimes, the stupider the decision, the more luck comes your way.

On the walk back it felt like the walk of shame. The three of us had to carry a huge raft down the shore for at least a half-mile. That’ll guarantee you a ton of confused stares.  

On the car ride home it hit me: all we need is an anchor to solve our problem. I rush back to Amazon and invest in a fifteen-pound anchor that had 4.7 starts, which in retrospect I have no fuckin clue why. What type of current is held off by an anchor smaller than a dinner plate, lighter than your mom’s vibrator collection?

I call JD:

Me: Clear your schedule! We’re going back in the ocean! I bought an anchor!

JD: Um, last time was a dumb idea.

Funny, the person who is first to fall dead asleep first in the middle of the ocean suddenly becomes responsible overnight.

Me: 4.7 star rating on Amazon! Do I really need to explain anymore? 

JD: Seriously? Whatever anchor you bought isn’t going to save our ass.

Me: This plan is bulletproof!

JD: Ok. Fine.

A few days later we all reconvene and head out into the ocean again. After the typical getting flipped over ten times is over with (it’s part of the process), we find a calm spot and drop the anchor. We all lie down, but I make sure to be on watch this time and not fall asleep. Within minutes, the raft makes a small yet distinct noise:

*POP*

JD jumps up in surprise. I guess he’d fallen dead asleep again.

JD: What was that?

Me: Uhh…

JD: Julian, what was that sound?

Me: Well the raft just popped, but don’t worry it’s only a small hole. 

JD: Ok, cool.

That’s the problem with having friends who are laid back and calm under pressure – sometimes we need a hard slap in the face to recognize the dumb shit we get ourselves into. Now that there is a puncture in the raft, the anchor I thought would save our ass, if anything, is working against us, only adding more pressure to the air coming out. Believe it or not, of the three of us, I was the one took charge in the situation by insisting we should “get back to shore soon.”

I look at the shore and see the lifeguard, who is in a full on sprint waving his hands at us. I politely wave back. 

Lifeguard: YOU’RE ABOUT TO HIT THE ROCKS!!

A huge wave starts forming and all we can do is watch. As it is building up we gradually get closer and closer to the pile of rocks. Our raft hits the peak of the wave, and we all go airborne: 

JD is the first to fall, landing on his feet and then headfirst into the water. Meanwhile, my body is flying sideways in the air, I land on my ribs. It wasn’t so bad.

Jasmine, a petite girl standing about five feet even, was the only one of the three of us who came out untouched. I’d like to think this was due to my chivalrous side in full action – heroically throwing myself in front of the rocks to prevent Jasmine from colliding into them – but that simply isn’t true. 

Me: JD, you ok?

JD: My foot is cut up.

Me: Ok, cool. Not bad. 

Lifeguard: You could have landed on your head or your neck the moment you flipped upside down. You’re really lucky you only cut your ribs. 

Luck? Are you kidding me? Please. If anything, the universe had conspired against us. You tell me a more unlikely scenario where a 4.7 rating on Amazon betrays you.

I get home with one thing on my mind – search Amazon for patches for popped inflatable rafts. I find some patches that were a “bestseller” that one man in the review section claimed to have “resurrected his raft.” Sounds promising I thought.

I add to cart, proceed to checkout, select next-day shipping, but then some mystical force comes over me as if I tapped into higher consciousness by deciding to  “sleep on this decision” before ordering the patches. I woke up the next morning realizing our problem could not be solved by a patch, nor a fifteen-pound anchor. Our problem had to be solved by something else… 

***

This is a story about me having a stupid commitment to a stupid decision, but the much larger issue – ignoring outside perspectives that challenged my own – is a deadly flaw. 

Taking out a raft and making the same dumb mistake over and over at first may not seem like the best fit for the principle in this post, but that is why I’ve chosen to use it as an example. It’s the small outside suggestions we are quick to dismiss, the seemingly insignificant opportunities that we allow to bypass, the routines we get stuck in that hardens the mind – slowly creating a pattern of thinking, repeating itself beyond our realization, until one day we become stuck in our ways and are closed off to alternatives.

How many people do you know that, once they make up their mind, there is no stopping them? How many people do you know that dismiss seemingly everything that goes against their opinion? How many people do you know have an unwavering commitment to their ideas that blocks out other people’s? 

This is a type of commitment we would all be better off without. Commitment to one singular, personal (and likely biased) opinion. Commitment to using only what’s worked in the past. Commitment to assumptions over context.

Ignoring alternative perspectives and suggestions is not limited to decision making, but can also involve a person’s self-image: The selfish person who truly believes they’re selfless. The rigid, “stuck in their ways” individual who claims to be open-minded. The self-absorbed person that truly believes they’re caring and empathetic. These people ignore anything that goes against the idealized self-image they’ve created in their mind. 

Now more than ever is this an issue. Given the vast amount of information we have access to today, anyone can find a source on the internet that confirms their opinion, no matter how absurd. Consequently, this only strengthens the resolve of people’s narrow-mindedness, thus making people’s perspectives more one-sided than ever.

The problem with this mindset does not stop there. In fact, failure to fix this way of thinking will hold you back in multiple ways. Consider the following:

What’s At Stake

Many people readily agree on the importance of open-mindedness…until their perspective is challenged. That’s when everything comes crashing down. Anger skyrockets, defensiveness reaches its peak, compassion and understanding vanish. 

While you may not be one to react out of anger in this type of circumstance, the truth is, we have all dismissed perspectives that challenge our own – denying that is an act of narrow mindedness in itself. It’s natural to feel a bit justified to defend your opinions and beliefs, they are the core of what you stand for, after all. But blind faith, unbridled loyalty, delusional certainty doesn’t communicate confidence, it screams entitlement, arrogance, and cluelessness.

The distinction between confidence vs. delusional certainty is that confidence does not shy away from considering all perspectives and angles. Confidence is rooted in a willingness to look at outside perspectives, and then formulates a strong, decisive opinion based on all of the information taken in. In other words, confidence seeks context – the surrounding details, the facts, the backstory of what’s taken place – and uses that to form the most effective plan of action, way of thinking, or beliefs to stand for. 

Delusional certainty dismisses anything that could suggest a flaw in that person’s beliefs or thinking. People led by delusional certainty see only what they want to see, hear only what they want to hear. When questioned, they double-down on their stance and now their mission is solely based on proving you wrong. They become infuriated by the mere suggestion that their opinions could shockingly be inaccurate. This is because delusional certainty is rooted in fear – the absolute opposite of confidence. Fear of being wrong, fear of having to change, fear of coming to terms with uncomfortable truths.

To summarize, opinions without context don’t mean shit. 

Having blind-faith to a decision being made, an unchanging self-opinion, unquestioned beliefs is the #1 obstacle that inhibits your personal growth. Unwillingness to adapt and reconsider creates a “blockage” of living up to your potential, overcoming challenges, and building a resilient mindset. Instead, you must…

Adopt a sense of fluidity 

The flow of a river is not slowed down by a rock in the stream – it has the fluidity to go around it without missing a beat. It is not attached to one pathway to reach its destination – it sees multiple paths, multiple ways to be in a constant flow of motion. Fluidity allows the stream to keep its momentum, and even build on it, never being slowed down by obstacles that inevitably show up. 

What you need is a fluidity in the mind. A willingness to adapt on the fly, to not be slowed down by unpredictable obstacles, to have the vision of seeing multiple possibilities. Fluidity in the mind is not attached to doing something only one way. It does not resist change or allow trivial matters to impede its momentum. Rather, fluidity is the very cause of what accelerates our growth, of what makes us reach goals quicker, and what makes us more resilient to adversity.

The only thing that stops the flow of a river is a dam. Likewise, delusional certainty is like building a dam in the mind – ending possibilities of continual growth.

A fluid stream cannot go backward, only forward. Likewise, a fluid mind only flows toward what is best for the main goal and formulates decisions to get there. You won’t go backward in your progress if you continue to learn. You won’t go backward in your growth by trying something new. Even if you come up short, a fluid mind allows us to fail forward. Sometimes, a short term failure is what opens a new door to long term success. 

A fluid mind is a clear mind. Negative thoughts are negative thoughts – they’re not toxic until we trap them in our mind. But a fluid mind does not hold onto those thoughts. It allows the flow of new opportunities, new strategies, new discoveries to filter it out. Being consumed by the heat of the moment, negative self-talk, having a pessimistic way of thinking is washed away in a fluid mind – such unproductive thoughts cannot keep up with the pace of an ever-changing, ever-expanding mind of innovation and breakthrough. 

Principle: Be fluid in your thinking. Never come to an end of learning and expanding your perspectives.

It’s time to have commitment issues with our assumptions and predisposed opinions. What we think we know is rarely spot-on accurate. Unwavering commitment to what we think we know only accomplishes rigidity.

A hardened, rigid mind is a mind of delusional certainty. There is no self-awareness in this mind. Anything that goes against its self-opinion is immediately dismissed, leading them astray and clueless to who they truly are, and why things happen to them.

A rigid mind is a malnourished mind – a mind gone stale that has lost it’s life and vitality, ending all possibilities for growth and discovery. Ben Franklin may have said it best: “Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75.”

A fluid mind is a mind that cannot go backward, only forward. Even if you fail, you fail forward with knowledge and experience. Thoughts that are meant to hold us back simply cannot keep up with the fast pace of discovery and growth in a fluid mind. Be fluid in your thinking and you create a resilient mindset – a mindset ready for any challenge, any obstacle thrown your way.

Pitfalls to Avoid:

• Dismissing even the insignificant decisions commonly made, beliefs we cling to, and assumptions we’re tied to.
• Thinking what’s worked in the past is guaranteed to work in the future. 
• Trying to control factors that are beyond your control.

Key Takeaways:

• A fluid mind is always ready to adapt, willing to try new strategies, and open to expanding its perspective. 
• The distinction between confidence vs. delusional certainty is that confidence does not shy away from considering all perspectives and angles. Delusional certainty dismisses anything that could suggest a flaw in its beliefs or thinking. It sees only what it wants to see, hears only what it wants to hear.
• Like the ongoing flow of a river, a fluid mind is in constant motion of growth and progress. 

Taking Action:

Write in a daily journal with honest reflection. Look for patterns in your thinking and investigate them. Look for assumptions you make and question them. Look for new opportunities and pursue them.

This will give you some distance to look at your thoughts and beliefs in a more objective lens, allowing you to see more clearly. Seeing your situation with distance is absolutely necessary, as it is an expanded perspective in itself. You’ll be quick to adopt a fluidity in the mind when you can see the full chessboard, not just the next move.