Why Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy4 min read

Me: Are you fucking kidding me? On a trampoline?

Frat Kid: Yuuuh bro. This week’s gonna be low key the most epic shit ever.

Me: What’s better than calling everyone at the party a pussy while sipping on Mike’s Hard Lemonade all night?

He didn’t sense the sarcasm, but that is to be expected with Frat dudes.

Frat Kid: We’re gonna take this shit to the next level.

This should be good.

Next week…

Me: How was it?

Frat Kid: It was whatever. This next one is gonna be lit. So much better than the last one.

Me: Being drunk, stoned, on shrooms and taking a bunch of bro-selfies wasn’t enough?

Once again, he didn’t sense the sarcasm.

Frat Kid: This week we’re gonna have all the Sorority chicks over and raggggggge.  

Me: What’s next, start your own strip club?

One week later…

Me: So how’d it go?

Frat Kid: It was cool bruh but next week is gonna be sicccccck.

***

Why chasing happiness won’t make you happy

If chasing happiness made people happy, then most people would be happy, but that’s not the case. Most people pursue things that will give them a short-term, superficial pleasure, yet they never really give them the feeling they’d imagined them to be. Frat Kid would tell everyone the cool shit he’d do and it never made him happy. Never satisfied, focused only on the figment of the future, never the gift of the present.

Over time, subtle feelings of anxiety when indulging too much will begin to linger. Deep down a sense of guilt and uneasiness for not taking action with your life will grow on you. The indulgence slowly goes from a celebration to being an escape, consequently desensitizing you from the fun. To get a similar rush, the stakes need to be raised each week.

Making happiness your top priority is a self-absorbed way to go about things. What will make ME feel good today? Decision making is based on instant gratification, never on what’s best for the long term.

Chasing some self-serving, superficial high is a hollow and often shallow experience. It’s a lonely life, it’s an empty life. There is no happiness with emptiness, but there is always happiness with fulfillment. To reach that fulfillment consider the following…

What makes you happy

The root of what brings you happiness comes from living a purpose-driven life with a clearly defined mission. It’s finding your path and staying committed to it through thick and thin. When you stay on this path, the qualities you develop in the process will reward you with true happiness and fulfillment:

• Being disciplined makes you feel productive and fulfilled.
• Being courageous makes you come alive.
• Having integrity gives you a strong sense of self-respect.
• Exercising fortitude to see past an obstacle will give you an empowering, confident feeling.
• Taking responsibility makes you feel more capable of rising above future challenges.
• Being patient relives you of being rushed and anxious.
• Gratitude gives you an inner-contentment and peaceful feeling.

There is no purpose-driven life without developing and refining your character. And you do not develop character by doing things that are comfortable, you do by challenging yourself, focusing on a mission that benefits you and others, and making the most of each day. That is where the true reward lies.  

As stated above, solely chasing happiness goes from celebration and fun to being an escape, consequently desensitizing you to the fun. But when you are living a purpose-driven life, those times you do indulge yourself and have fun, you will be able to fully immerse yourself in the experience, making it feel more wholesome, enjoyable, and fulfilling. It sounds counterintuitive, but putting personal pleasures first makes you enjoy them less.

Also, note that just because you do a solo activity doesn’t mean it’s purely self-serving. You can invest in yourself by choosing to grow more because the more you grow the more you can give. Solitude, reading, meditation, writing, learning something new are a few of many solo activities that can add value to people around you.

Principle: Be purpose-driven over pleasure-driven for a happier, more wholesome, fulfilling life.

Being dedicated to your mission doesn’t mean over-exerting yourself. It means prioritizing it. Make time for fun things to do, but don’t make it all that you are chasing. It sounds counterintuitive, but chasing only things that give you a temporary relief will make you enjoy them less. If you live for a mission that challenges you to be stronger, that elevates others, and that makes you come alive, then those moments of fun and excitement will be golden.

Pitfalls to Avoid:

• Thinking this post is saying never to indulge yourself and have fun.
• Confusing that any solo-activity is only self-serving.
• Focusing purely on instant gratification.

Key Takeaways:

• Prioritizing your decisions around what will make you feel good is self-absorbed, and will make you enjoy the experiences less.
• Indulging too much will create lingering feelings of guilt for not taking action with your life.
• Qualities that build character – discipline, responsibility, integrity – add real feelings of fulfillment and wholeness.

Taking Action:

Delay the instant gratification that will make you feel the best in the moment, and focus on what best supports your mission and those in it.