Guy: I want to get my book published.

Me: What’s stopping you?

Guy: No interest from any agents.

Me: Have you made any changes to it?

Guy: I’m not making any changes. It’s just right how it is. If it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen.

Another convo:

Girl: Me and my boyfriend are having problems.

Me: What’s goin on?

Girl: We’re getting in a ton of arguments. He’s not who I want him to be.

Me: Are you who he wants you to be?

Girl: I do nothing wrong, he just gets mad a ton.

Me: Should you really be together if you two aren’t going to change anything?

Girl: Well we’ll see. Time will tell. If it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen.

***

It’s not uncommon to hear this phrase when someone is at a crossroads with that thing they want. But is this type of thinking really an optimal approach? I ask that you consider the following, along with a solution provided at the end:

It’s a made-up reason not to work hard and grow.

When someone drops the “if it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen” line, it usually occurs when they want something, but is out of their grasp. Instead of working for it they leave it up to “fate.” But the entire point of personal growth is to stretch your limits so you can eventually grasp that thing out of your reach. It’s sink or swim – grow into a stronger person in order to reach your goal, or change nothing and fail.

As far as relationships go, if they’re all “meant to happen” then everyone would end up with their soulmate. I’m no relationship expert, but those I’ve talked to have all said the same thing – it takes work. Work to grow together, work to become a better partner, work to understand each other.  

“If it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen” are words that come from the undisciplined person. The lazy person.

You will not hear a disciplined person who gets after it say this. A disciplined person searches for reasons to keep going and push through. The undisciplined person searches for fake reasons to stop working and sit back.

It is pretty simple: doing nothing DOES nothing. Sitting back doesn’t solve your problems.

People rationalize excuses because it’s reassuring. They trick themselves into thinking there is logic within their reasoning so they can justify reasons not to take action. I’ve done it, and I know it accomplishes nothing. The only result is regression.

It’s entitled thinking.

“If it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen” implies that by default, this person assumes they deserve a reward without putting in much effort, which is entitlement.

You don’t deserve anything. You are not special. You are human just like everyone else on the planet. The universe will not make an exception for you. There are 7 billion people in the world, and to think that you are separate from them, that the rules don’t apply to you is not only supremely arrogant but also delusional.

I know this type of blunt, difficult truth to swallow will turn a lot of people off. But this post is written for those who can take a cold-dose of realism and use it to their advantage. You can choose a comforting lie or a constructive truth. 

Everyone has their own set of natural talents, but that doesn’t mean they can skip working hard. There’s a lot of gifted people out there who assume they’re special and accomplish very little.

The world doesn’t revolve around any one person, so why would it go out of it’s way to give them a free pass while leaving others out?

It’s giving you a reason to relent.

Go ahead and let up. Go ahead and give in. Time to relax. Time to sit back. You woke up today and thought about that goal you have. Surely that deserves a reward.

Lies.

Don’t destroy that hard work you’ve put in. Don’t relent when the pressure rises, when the stakes increase, when the real obstacles kick in. It does not matter how disciplined you’ve been in the past – clinging to this line will cause you to lose your edge. All that discipline up to this point was to prepare you for the real challenge. The discomfort of going outside your comfort zone is not the grand challenge. That’s step one.

Make no mistake – just because you’ve exemplified toughness in the past doesn’t mean you can’t lose your toughness. Anyone can lose that killer instinct to keep going and pushing through. Clinging to a rationalization to not work is a slippery downward spiral to lose your edge that gains momentum fast.

But on the flip side, each time you choose growth over comfort you refine and strengthen your mental toughness. Over time an iron-will is born and the choice to step up to the challenge will be instinct.

What’s really meant to happen…

You have a purpose – something you are meant to pursue, but it won’t “just happen.” That is misleading wishful thinking which will only disappoint you. That thing meant to happen, it will take every bit of willpower, discipline, perseverance out of you to accomplish it. When you discover something you’re meant to live by, it will test you beyond your limits, and then some. 

Do you think Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Steve Jobs, and Elon Musk had all of their breakthroughs by chance? Was it part of their mission in life? Yes. But did it “just happen”? No. It took countless hours of trial and error. It took qualities – diligence, creativity, drive, persistence, vision.

It will crush you at times. That is part of the process. That is the one thing consistent across the board – everyone has a different purpose, but they will all experience being knocked down. This is a universal truth – those who overcame and thrived all faced adversity, but they found a way to persevere. It’s a consistent, re-emerging theme in history, and where there is consistency, there is truth.

In the end it’s really not about the result, it’s about the qualities you develop and person you become in the process. That will bring you more fulfillment than the “reward” you initially set out for.

Growing up as a sprinter, I had some success. I was driven to win track meets, break records, and receive scholarship offers. Thanks to the leadership of mentors I was able to accomplish that, but when I look back, the qualities I developed – discipline, self-belief, visualization, delaying gratification – were much more valuable than running fast. The end result is cool, but qualities developed in the process are much more satisfying and meaningful.

Principle: Nothing is meant to happen unless you make it happen.

Making something happen is no small feat. It will require you to stretch your limits. But this will bring you so much more joy, so much more fulfillment, and an abundant, wholesome feeling to life.  

What do you think will feel better: having something just given to you while you did nothing, or stretching your limits, refusing to relent, and coming out on top despite the hardship?

Visualize the big picture, rather than getting lost in the setback. Focus on actions to take rather than reasons to relent. Be driven by purpose over self-gain and you will tap into an inner-strength you didn’t know you had. Whatever is meant to happen is within your capabilities, so make it happen.

Pitfalls to Avoid:

• Resorting to the “if it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen” line when something is out of reach.
• Thinking the universe is making some exception to solve your problems.
• Not looking at what you need to change.

Key Takeaways:

• Clinging to the “if it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen” line will cause you to lose your edge and become complacent.
• Relationships don’t fix themselves – they take work and won’t “just happen.”
• In the end, the result you initially set out for isn’t what truly fulfills you. It’s the qualities you develop in the process. Empower yourself by exercising daily disciplines and your circumstances won’t happen by chance, you will have made them happen.

Taking Action:

Take some sort of action toward something you want. It doesn’t have to be a huge action. Something small works. Small daily acts of discipline will compound into significant progress.