- The Bigger the Setback, the More Room for Growth.
When our backs are against the wall, when there seems to be no solution in sight, that’s where breakthroughs happen. Take a look at the adversity these well-known names had to face:
Albert Einstein could not speak fluently until nine years old and write until age seven. He was expelled from school and labeled as mentally handicapped by his teachers. His father thought of him as a complete failure which crushed him.
Thomas Edison was told he was “too stupid to learn anything” by his teachers. He was fired from two jobs for “not being productive enough.”
J.K. Rowling was jobless, a single, lone parent, depending on welfare. Looking back she considers her failures as a gift because of the knowledge it gave her to use for the future.
Walt Disney was fired from a Missouri newspaper, being told “he lacked imagination and was not creative enough.” He went bankrupt after starting his first animation studio.
“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”
– Albert Einstein
The only difference here is that these people viewed failures differently than most people. They chose to use it rather than allow it to use them and defeat them. Despite the adversity, their setbacks led to having an impact on the world. Sometimes when everything seems to be going wrong at once, it’s the window of opportunity you’d been asking for.
- They Lead You to Discover Your Purpose.
Each name listed above battled tremendous adversity before finding their path. Many were fired from their job or experienced significant problems just before finding their stride.
I can attest to the same. When I hit my lowest point, many doctors told me there was no recovery from my health condition. I couldn’t work because of it. People belittled my condition. I lost 25 pounds of muscle and had difficulty standing. I was heartbroken from a relationship. I’d lost all passion for life.
Long story short – I refused to accept this was how my life was going to be. I couldn’t stand what was happening to me and decided I would make a comeback and use my lowest point to help others have their breakthroughs. This choice led me to find my path.
Your lowest setbacks give you the opportunity to redirect your life and find your purpose. Finding this path is discovering the way to be living your life. It’s the path to complete fulfillment and your best life.
- You Realize Your Fears Aren’t as Bad as You Thought.
Two months ago, the largest fire in California state history, Thomas fire took place. I live in Ventura, which is where the heart of the fire was. I was evacuated being unable to return home for 7 weeks because of partial burns to the property and smoke damage in the house. I was bouncing around from house to house, finding spots to live. Then, one week after the fire, my car totaled. Without a home or a car, I thought life was going to suck.
I realized that walking from place to place wasn’t such a terrible thing – it was actually therapeutic in many ways. I could listen to podcasts, audiobooks, call friends to keep in touch, and just reflect. True friends stepped up and allowed me into their homes, and new friends also came into my life.
Sometimes when we hit a setback, we have no choice but to face something we are afraid of. The anticipation builds, the dread increases, but then, its over. After facing it, you may even think, “this is what I was so afraid of?”
“We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”
– Seneca
This experience reminded me to be grateful – the fire burned the side yard and grazed part of the house, but the fire department showed up just in time to put it out before the house was burned down. When I was driving the brakes gave out, but nobody was on the road, so I was able to come to a stop safely.
Our setbacks lead us to discover our fears aren’t as bad as we’d thought. Think about it – hesitation, anxiety, overthinking, dread, worry – they will all lose their appeal. Fear will be overcome with courage which we can use for future obstacles. And the perspective of confronting that fear, without fail, will lead to finding an inner contentment with your situation.
- Certain Qualities are Only Developed Under Tension.
Having the ability to detach in stressful situations takes practice. Being decisive under uncertain circumstances takes practice. Learning how to transform a destructive anger into a righteous anger takes practice. Strengthening your resolve and perseverance can only occur when things take a turn for the worse. When the unexpected happens, this is the opportunity to develop certain qualities that cannot be built elsewhere.
Your setbacks offer the only gymnasium available to strengthen these qualities within. We don’t become resilient through putting up with lost wifi signal or being stuck in traffic. We don’t learn to persevere when an Amazon Prime order didn’t arrive on time. Your setbacks are where you train. They’re what build you. They add the weight. They add just the right tension to equip you for future challenges.
And to take it a step further, the best way to refine these skills is to consistently move toward your fears. As stated in the above section, often, our fears aren’t as bad as we thought – we suffer more in imagination than in reality.
By taking the initiative to move toward a fear, you can be mentally prepared beforehand and won’t be taken off guard had it happened by chance. With enough repetition you won’t have to think, it will be instinct.
- They Show You Who You Really Are.
Building on the previous section, not only can we refine invaluable life skills, we can learn more about ourselves. We like to think we already know ourselves, but there is always more to discover. Especially if you’re invested in personal growth, there should not be an endpoint.
Some people’s identity is attached to their possessions, their income, or their status. To be blunt, when the shit hits the fan, these people crack under pressure. If they lose their possessions, they lose their self. If they lose their status, they have don’t know who they are anymore. Or, when a kid’s Xbox gets smashed, they have a full-on breakdown.
Think of someone you know who blames everything that comes their way. What’s your opinion of them? Are they someone you hope to be like?
When adversity hits you (and it inevitably will, multiple times), your true self will show up. This is encouraging. Did you keep your cool amid stress, or did it begin to overwhelm you? It’s okay if it overwhelmed you – now you can reflect and understand what caused that. You’ll learn more about yourself. When future challenges happen, you’ll be aware of what may trip you up and be ready to counter it.
“Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him.”
– James Allen
- They Force You to Be Creative to Reach Your Goal.
The Wright brothers faced huge disadvantages – they never graduated high school while their competition mainly had prestigious degrees from Ivy League schools. Their income was solely reliant on the revenue from their bicycle shop while their competition had funding from big-name companies.
It was “common knowledge” that the clear solution to fly an airplane was to build a stronger engine. Not having the same funding as their competition, the Wright brothers could not perform as many test flights. In turn, they decided to make an unconventional decision – they chose not to perform any test flights for three months and instead research the physiology of a bird. This led to the discovery that building a stronger engine was not the problem – it was the structure of the plane. Instead, they adapted the shape similar to a bird’s which served as the breakthrough for them to be the first to successfully fly an airplane.
These types of stories are much more common than we may realize. You can read, research, or even hear about people within your community who overcame adversity. The list goes on with those who battled severe disadvantages that did not allow it to stop them. Despite a hardship growing up, a health diagnosis, or financial difficulty, these setbacks can be used to set you forward. The obstacle is the way for you to use a creative approach to reach your goal.
- You Learn to Honor the Struggle.
This has been one of the greatest life lessons I’ve learned. Instead of fighting the struggle, choosing to accept it will turn your life around. Facing a hardship does not mean you have to suffer. We only suffer until we fight the struggle. Resisting the struggle only intensifies the pain.
One of the biggest pitfalls to this is clinging to why something isn’t fair. I made this mistake for years. I was known as the healthy person growing up – I regularly ate organic, whole foods, was active, didn’t smoke or drink, yet disease still came my way at age 17. It didn’t seem to make sense. I focused on how unfair it was. I resented the struggle. I hated it. And fighting this struggle significantly made my health worse. But the moment I decided to find positive meaning within the struggle, things turned around fast.
Fighting the struggle only imprisons it in your life. It will stay there, trapped, when it’s meant to teach you, and move on.
Accept the struggle. Allow it to seamlessly come, and it will seamlessly pass. It will have served its purpose, and you’ll come out a stronger, wiser person with new perspective.
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