Your Anger is Your Greatest Ally8 min read

Today’s the day.

I wake up, with hope. Today I will start to feel better I thought. For several months, I’d been losing the battle to chronic disease. But today is different. Today I’m ready for my breakthrough. It’s time for my big break.

I get out of bed, look in the mirror, but didn’t recognize the person looking back at me. I saw a pale, sick, unmotivated, unhappy person. My hands were turning yellow from all of the injections doctors had been putting me on. You could see the poison coming out of my eyes, but you couldn’t see someone who felt alive. You couldn’t see a sense of purpose, but you could see emptiness.

It was demoralizing. I felt defeated. I felt hopeless. And then, I felt angry.

Furious.

Have you ever been battling something, that after putting up a fight for so long it eventually tore you apart? You could be battling depression. You could be battling loss. Abandonment. Disappointment. Grief. Betrayal. Unfair treatment. The list goes on.

Maybe you’ve dealt with those challenges in the past, or maybe you’re battling them right now. I want to tell you there is a way to turn these heartbreaking moments around. No doubt, the challenges you’ve faced have triggered a roller coaster of emotions, but I want to discuss a very misunderstood emotion.

Anger.

There’s a good chance, dealing with your tough challenges, at some point you felt an amount of anger. What was your reaction to that anger? Did you shame yourself for feeling anger? Did you tell yourself anger is “bad”? Did you suppress those feelings, and try to go about your day?

We live in a society that shames people for feeling anger. People are constantly put down for this, told they shouldn’t be feeling such a natural emotion. When people dismiss your feelings, all it does is invalidate your experience and add to your pain. Unfortunately, when many undermine what we’re going through, often we make one of the most destructive decisions – suppress it. Pretend it’s not there. And this only creates a vicious cycle.

Here’s the issue – the problem is not anger, it’s how anger is expressed. Anger is not bad – violence is not good. Outbursts are not good. Resenting others is not good. Expressing anger in these ways brings out our worst self, and it happens when we shame ourselves of this powerful, yet natural emotion.

Emotions are not meant to be trapped in our body. They’re meant to be expressed. Think of laughter; it’s our natural instinct to laugh – to express that emotion. Not trap it in our body.

You may be thinking, that’s all great and dandy Julian, but then how can I use anger to my advantage?

Glad you asked. First, let me continue with my experience:

It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. I’d repeated in my mind endlessly. Why is this happening to me? I kept asking. But asking the same question only reinforced the same result – resentment, and defeat.

I knew if I wanted a change, I had to make a change. I began writing every day – my thoughts, feelings, and challenges I was facing. I’d make sure not to hold anything back and write completely unfiltered. It didn’t make my anger disappear, but it gave me new perspective.

I was still furious about my situation, but I asked myself, If I keep feeling this emotion, can I channel it into something positive? Instead of tearing me down, can this build me up?

I was on a walk one night, and it all hit me – instead of fighting and resenting the circumstance, I transformed that anger into determination, and made it part of my relentless spirit never to give up. I let it fuel me instead of breaking me.

I decided that I will not go down this way. I decided that I’m not just going to make a comeback, but I’ll help others reverse their pain and live life with a strong purpose. Putting the responsibility of helping others was an incentive I simply could not let down.

“At any given moment you have the power to say: this is not how the story is going to end”

–  Christine Mason Miller

 

I hadn’t forgotten what was at stake. I knew my health condition was still severe. But this righteous anger overrode that fear and granted me a sense of strength and determination I didn’t know I had in me.

Anger can strengthen your convictions when you’re in uncertain situations. It can make you believe when things take a turn for the worse. This is because anger refuses to surrender to anything. It wants to fight for you.

This whole time my anger was there, waiting to help me. But anger will not help you alone; it won’t do the work for you. You have free will, and you choose anger to work for you, or against you.

Was it still unfair? Sure, but that’s not the point. Resolve and determination to overcome were born. The anger was still there but redirected. Now, instead of breaking me, it fueled me.

It’s amazing how fast things can turn around when, instead of fighting the struggle, we honor it.

Looking back, It was the day, but I hadn’t realized it then. I didn’t know that day, when I became infuriated with my circumstance, when I was crushed by what I saw in the mirror, was the first day to reversing my pain, my loss, and my health.

Transforming Your Anger in Three Steps:

First, using anger constructively starts with how you interpret it. When we interpret anger as a positive thing, then we accept it. Make a habit of interpreting this feeling as a good thing. This means each time you feel this emotion, you don’t fight it, but rather embrace it.

Having a negative relationship with anger will entail negative behavior. But if you have a positive relationship with anger, you can harness it to do great things. By interpreting anger as positive, no longer will we shame ourselves for feeling it. Over time, each time you feel anger and interpret it as your ally, it will become instinctive.

Second, reframe it with an empowering meaning. Now that you interpret anger as your ally, you can transform it from destructive anger into righteous anger with reframing.

Reframing your anger is channeling it into something you find meaningful. Instead of resenting your situation and allowing it to defeat you, let it make you come alive. Transform this anger as part of your relentless spirit. Allow it to fuel your fire.

When I turned this destructive anger into part of my relentless spirit, that’s when everything changed. I didn’t care what the odds were. I didn’t care about the possibility of failure. I wasn’t relying on hope, I was relying on this newly born unstoppable feeling, cultivated from reframing.

Reframing does not have a limit. These are a few frames I’ve used in my life that have been helpful, but I encourage you to come up with your own. Any anger you have, transform it into an empowering meaning that builds you up.

Third, express it effectively. Use it. You’ve interpreted anger as a positive thing and reframed it with an empowering meaning. Now it’s time to have anger work for you instead of against you.

Use it for your goals. Use it as fuel to stay on The Path. Use it to be part of your purpose. Use it as the incentive to keep going when you’re tired. When you feel depleted, return to that righteous anger inside you and allow it to make you come alive. It’s free energy.

Expressing your anger can involve journaling your thoughts. When we journal, especially when our emotions are heightened, that’s when discoveries happen. Do not underestimate the power of journaling – it has been my greatest source of discovery. It’s lead me to learn more about myself, given me insight of decisions I need to make, and realizations of what my circumstances are telling me. Journaling my anger, the disgust for what I was going through led to me discovering what I needed to do with my life.

Another effective way to express your anger can involve some call to action. This type of call to action goes beyond personal gain. It often involves taking on the responsibility to fight for something, or someone, deeply meaningful to you.

For example, perhaps growing up your parents did not value you as they should have. Instead of resenting your upbringing, vow to make sure your children will never have to experience anything like that. Those feelings of anger from childhood can be used as an unbreakable commitment and determination to be the best parent possible, no matter what.

Maybe you’ve been mistreated in the past, and instead of resenting that experience, you’re going to be a voice for a community of people who’ve experienced similar problems. There’s a burning passion in a mission like that, and that righteous anger inside you will strengthen your resolve and determination to be the leader those people need you to be.

The point here is that using your anger can be what propels you forward when things are tough.

It not only will help you live your best life but will also help the lives of many. It’s there, waiting for you to channel it.

Principle: Follow the three steps to transform destructive anger into a righteous anger

This principle will set you free. You won’t have to fight your emotions, you will have them work for you. I know this isn’t easy. It may be one of the hardest things you have to do. But it will be one of the greatest.

This isn’t a post about giving you “hope,” it’s a post about using practical ways to turn your setback into a comeback. Anger is the protector inside you. It’s the warrior unwilling to surrender under any circumstance. It’s your source when you feel weak.

Anger will fill you with the fight and determination you need to persevere. It’ll fuel you with the courage to say no to the odds, no to your pain, and no to your fears. When you can harness this powerful emotion in the right direction, life won’t be leading you anymore, you’ll be leading life.

Pitfalls to Avoid:

• Shaming yourself for feeling anger.
• Suppressing any feelings of anger.
• Being around others who invalidate your experience.

Key Takeaways:

• Anger is not the problem, how it is expressed is what can be problematic.
• Anger gives you conviction in your actions in the face of adversity.
• Using anger constructively is your source of strength to persevere.

Taking Action:

Now I’d like you to write down three things that have prevented you from effectively using your anger. What is an action you can replace each one with to channel your anger in the right direction?