I’m sitting at Starbucks writing and some guy I don’t know approaches me.
Guy: Did you just look at my girlfriend?
Me: Yeah, so?
He steps closer.
Guy: Why the hell are you looking at her?
Me: How am I supposed to know she’s your girlfriend? For all I know she could be your sister.
If there’s a land for being too honest, I dwell in that space.
He puts on his best angry face and tries to stare me down. I think to myself, You’re gonna have to try harder than that. I’m adept at staring contests.
Guy: Stay the fuck away from her.
Me: I’m sitting in a chair.
Guy: You’re lucky I’m not an asshole.
Me: I will write that in my gratitude journal tonight.
Guy: ..huh?
Me: “Dear journal, it was an act of god to have been saved by sheer luck from this feeble yet supposed menacing nature of a man.”
Guy: Uh, what?
Me: “Having been on the very edge of despair I am humbled and grateful to walk away unharmed.”
His eyes flood with disgust.
Me: Did I leave anything out? I want to make sure I don’t miss anything.
He does this dramatic pause and then walks away like it was a movie.
What a drama queen. But chances are you’ve been tangled up with a few drama queens yourself. Some drama queens may come in the form of being passive aggressive that look to indirectly stir up conflict. Other drama queens may be aggressive and domineering, but deep down they’re trying to fill the void of a gaping, bottomless hole of emptiness. It’s not your fault they chose you to provoke on their list of shit to fuck up for the day, but it’s your responsibility to respond effectively.
It’s become my problem making dumbass remarks with someone who is already pissed off at me. This guy didn’t do anything but had I crossed paths with the wrong guy, I wouldn’t have been so “lucky.” I’m fortunate I haven’t gotten my ass kicked for things that have popped out of my mouth (to this date: 5/5/18 4:55 am).
The drama queens and haters are always on the hunt to mess with people’s heads. They will never go extinct. But what can go extinct is their success in getting in your head.
If someone is trying to provoke you, keep your mouth shut. As much as you can, try to keep talking down to a minimum. The first thing that comes to our mind when being provoked almost always is something we may regret. Worse, it sucks us into the emotional vortex, and we stoop to their level. Let them do the talking. Let it show their futile games have no effect on you.
Don’t be the person who defers to the “I said that because that’s what I was feeling” excuse. These are the words of someone playing the victim. Everyone has feelings. But if you can’t control your feelings, then what can you control? We can’t control the weather. We can’t control traffic. We can’t control what other people are thinking. But we have full control of how we respond to any situation.
Having your feelings control you is a lack of self-control and a disempowering state of mind. Being in control of your feelings embodies emotional intelligence and having thick skin.
“The ability to keep your mouth shut is usually a form of intelligence.”
– Holly Goldberg Sloan
And the solution to being in control of your emotions around drama queens can be as simple as keeping your mouth shut. You may feel angry, offended, or hurt, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling that, but it doesn’t mean you have to act on it.
It’s all bait. Bait drama queens and haters use to stir up feelings, tempting you to react. It’s a play on your emotions, a trick to get you to look foolish.
A person’s maturity can be measured by how well they delay gratification. Being reactive and satisfying the soonest impulse is seeking immediate gratification. Choosing to respond calm and collectively despite the urge to fire back is delaying gratification. One is reactive and immature, the other is proactive and mature.
Never forget, everyone is fighting a battle. Everybody is going through something – just because someone is reactive and plays the victim doesn’t mean they have harsher circumstances than the cool-headed individual.
Principle: If someone is trying to provoke you, keep your mouth shut.
Simple solutions rarely are easy solutions. Keeping your mouth shut is a simple instruction, but in the moment can be incredibly difficult. That is why it’s a principle – because it will challenge you to grow into a stronger version of yourself.
Controlling how we respond often involves what not to do. If someone blows up on you, let them do the talking. If someone looks to get a reaction out of you, let them keep trying over and over. Like a dog using the same strategy to hop a fence, but utterly failing, each attempt will only make them look more insane. This not only will highlight your sense of leadership and maturity but will also reveal their lack of it. Their hopes to make you look foolish will have backfired, and you will walk away feeling empowered and unshakeable.
Pitfalls to Avoid:
- Using the “I said that because that’s what I was feeling” excuse.
- Returning an insult for an insult.
- Giving drama queens and haters the satisfaction of a reaction.
Key Takeaways:
- Being in control of your emotions is a sign of high emotional intelligence.
- The difference between a reactive person and a proactive person is based on how well they delay gratification.
- Keeping your mouth shut protects you from getting sucked into the emotional vortex and saying something you may regret.
Taking Action:
Consider shutting your mouth the next time someone is looking to get under your skin.
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Since I can remember I’ve always been a bit sassy & mouthy. I have to really work on holding back my emotions which isn’t easy for me. How do you deal with them productively? I tend to ignore my feelings then they eventually come out in my behavior.
Hey Jessica. I would say ignoring feelings and suppressing them contributes to an eventual outburst. This post helps answer that question. I think that’s a topic I can get into even more detail in future blog posts.