Admit it, you’ve had your suspicions, but you try your best to avoid thinking about it. Maybe this has kept you up at night, or maybe this is a thought that quickly comes and goes. But one thing that you can’t deny? It’s on your mind. That alone should TERRIFY you. Before you know it,…
If I had to give an award to the most ratchet grocery store, it would certainly be Vons. There are always little shits running rampant, customers crying because their coupon expired, lines moving slower than a virgin on prom night. Surrounded by Chex mix, Cheez-its, and Gushers, I realize I’m in the wrong aisle, but…
For years, a couple of walls in my room were covered by a giant piece of paper. One wall was dedicated to people writing messages on it. The other wall was called “The Wall of Shame” – a space dedicated to writing all the stupid shit me and my friends would do, documented. There was…
House parties are hit and miss. Sometimes people bring all the alcohol you’ll need, other times people burn in a hole in your couch. Sometimes awesome people show up, sometimes frat boys show up. Call me old fashion, but I don’t exactly like hearing frat guys yell “LET’S GOOOO” every five seconds. Especially when playing…
Let’s be clear: driving your ex crazy is NOT the goal. Awareness is the goal. Awareness is the first step to overcoming your crazy ex’s 10-step plan to fuck your shit up. Without awareness, then you will unknowingly walk into their traps and position yourself to be easily manipulated. Is that something you want? Didn’t…
Being a high school substitute teacher comes with many meaningful days. Days when a few words of encouragement inspire students to be better. Days when you see students grow before your very eyes. Days when students teach you things about life in a way that no adult possibly could. Today was not one of them. …
I’m sitting outside a coffee shop with a few friends and my buddy Kevin starts telling us a story about how he got praised at work for doing absolutely nothing: Kevin: I woke up and didn’t feel like working. I called into work and said I’m “going through something” and need “self-care.” They immediately became…
I’m sipping on some bone broth outside and notice a lady storming right in my direction. She was slender in stature but made up for it with a fierce, relentless look in her eye. It was windy so her oversized shirt and baggy gaucho pants flared up making her look extra frightening. Her high heels…
Somehow, someway, my friend Christian and I got hired to be summer camp counselors for 4th graders. Christian looks like a heedless alcoholic with a permanent confused look on his face, so he must have killed it in his interview. And I look like a Cocky Douche Fuckboy, yet they still hired me. No, I…
Participation trophies Ordering food at the strip club Askholes who request your advice but never take it Reality TV Getting in fights over hand sanitizer Cry closets Dating someone crazy Taking calls on speakerphone in line at coffee shops A housewife who forgot to hang a live, laugh, love sign in the kitchen Buying…
Face it – you tried to reason, you tried to fix things, but it keeps getting worse. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, the drama only intensifies. You assure yourself that this is only temporary, that your ex will eventually get over it and stop harassing you. But you know…
A buddy I met in my psych 101 class at community college, who my friends and I refer to as Tye Dye, is a unique character. Tye Dye was that guy in class who annoyingly participates and shares personal stories EVERY possible chance he gets. To say he was an overachiever is an understatement. He…
