Guard This With Your Life, Or You Allow Others To Take Advantage Of You8 min read

Meet my friend Pedro:

Standing as tall as an indoor plant, an expression that fits the profile of a cat that just woke up from a sixteen-hour nap, rocking a permanent fuck you stamped on his forehead, Pedro is one of a kind. He isn’t one to be fond of people, which for some reason makes everyone like him even more. A proud Jew, not because he’s religious or anything, just for the sake of making Jew jokes.

My friends and I joke that he’s 25 going on 60 – he can be a sour old hag yet hilarious at the same time. He gives no fucks and speaks his mind no matter how outrageous/offensive/condescending. He actually hated me for a year but we got past that. Anyways…

I set him up with a (cute) girl, Mikayla. We planned to meet Pedro at a bar with a couple of friends for a chill night. As we walk into the bar, there’s Pedro, in all his glory sitting in the corner eating a fuckin Subway sandwich. Are you fucking kidding me, Pedro? You can’t even pretend you give a shit for five minutes?

He was wearing a ratchet school sweatshirt (which had lettuce spilled on it), plaid shorts, and flip flops. Our eyes meet and his expression turns more sour than usual. Talk about an anti-climactic way to give a captivating first impression.

Me: Uh…let’s start drinking.

We begin talking, share funny stories and bullshit about random topics (Pedro is really good at that). Everything seems to be going well, but then it gets awkward as fuck:

Pedro: [to Mikayla] Sorry to disappoint you. I may be a Jew but I’m not rich and running Hollywood.

Mikayla: Uh…what?

Pedro: Either your sugar daddy bought you that watch or you’re a stripper on a mission. Or both.

Everyone freezes. We all look at each other, speechless, in disbelief of what we just heard.

I try my best to recover for Pedro, but who am I kidding? That would require some serious witchcraft or mastery of the dark arts. I am just a man – no superpowers, no contact with the shadows, no resurrection of the most dumbass remarks that kill Pedro’s chances.

He was like that squirrel that sees you driving, steps out of the way, and then last second steps right in front of your car – he literally went out of his way to sabotage himself.

The rest of the night wasn’t too eventful. Pedro continued to make an ass of himself, destroying the intrigue and attraction Mikayla had for him.

***

Pedro never believed he deserved Mikayla from the very beginning. Since he didn’t approve of himself, he didn’t allow others to approve of him.

Pedro didn’t have self-respect, and it not only held him back in potential relationships but in fact followed him everywhere. He is a great dude, but continually minimized and undervalued who he was.

Maybe not to such an extreme, like Pedro, most of us have devalued ourselves at one point or another. Failure to guard this self-respect will negatively impact just about anything you do. Consider the following of what’s being compromised when you don’t respect the unique person you are:

What’s at stake if you don’t guard your self-respect

• You won’t be confident
• You’ll be “nice” but not kind.
• You won’t be emotionally independent
• You will seek constant validation
• You won’t maintain your boundaries
• You will give in when pressured
• You will constantly feel inferior
• You will continuously be seeking people’s approval
• You won’t have an identity
• People will walk all over you
• People will get under your skin with ease
• You’ll never put your needs first at the appropriate times

If you don’t embody self-respect then your self-image is shaped by what others say. What do you think will happen when you run into haters? You’ll put full faith into their words, shattering your confidence and comfortability in the individual you are.

You will retreat to old, ugly habits when things get tough. Even if you continue to learn principles, if you lack self-respect then you will abandon those new qualities under the slightest amount of adversity. You will revert to what’s familiar, even if it is a type of behavior that will sabotage your circumstances.

Without self-respect, growth is temporary. The whole point of growing is to effectively handle challenges and become a stronger person, but if a lack of self-respect makes you abandon those things you learn, then all of the time committed to personal growth will be for nothing.

Luckily there are simple ways to keep your self-respect intact that you can apply today. Provided are three ways to maintain self-respect even in the face of challenging moments:

Take actions committed to your path

Part of having self-respect means doing things that give you a reason to respect yourself. If you don’t take action with your life then you won’t respect yourself. All the techniques in the world will not make you truly respect yourself. Affirmations won’t do all the work for you – actual reasons, real reasons that give you cause to respect yourself will.

When you embody strong habits and take actions that help you reach goals, you set the life you envision and will respect yourself more. These actions you take can be small things:

• It can be something as small as making your bed every morning.

• It can be deciding to take a short walk every day.

• It can be a daily commitment to improving a new activity or skill, even if it’s for only five minutes.

• It can be taking time to appreciate those closest to you.

• It can be reading something new.

Small daily habits may seem insignificant, but they can compound into a large transformation.

Unwavering commitment to your path = unwavering self-respect.

Be true to your principles

If you succumb to doing things that go against what you believe, then deep down you will have feelings of guilt and disappointment. Compromising the principles you truly believe in and standards you hold yourself to will create a negative self-image. Self-respect and a negative self-image cannot coexist.

There needs to be absolute conviction in the principles you live by, otherwise, you will second-guess them when things get tough. Understand: what you stand for will always be tested. The moment your principles are questioned, remind yourself this is a test to see if you are truly committed to them or not.     

Regardless of the outcome, when you remain grounded in what you believe in, you will walk away with an empowering, strong feeling about yourself.

Define yourself

If you do not define yourself then you will allow others to do that for you.

Define yourself based on principles you are committed to, qualities you embody, and actions you take that shape who you are.

This doesn’t mean say a bunch of bullshit that sounds nice and makes you feel good. If you make up some things that aren’t who you really are but that just stroke the ego then it won’t stick and will be pointless.

Ask yourself: If nobody had an opinion of you, how would you view yourself? What is an experience where you showed strong character? What are some principles you live by and why are you committed to them? And who is the person you are becoming? Start with these questions to define who you are, and what you’re about.

Principle: Protect your self-respect by taking actions committed to your path, staying loyal to your principles, and defining who you are.

Ignore this principle at your peril. You will be compromising your confidence, feel inferior, and constantly seek people’s approval. Without self-respect, you cannot have an identity as you will be measuring your self-worth based on other people’s words. Like a chameleon, your self-image will change form person to person, crushed by their snap judgments, assumptions, and labels they project at you.

Or, you can guard self-respect with your life. You have everything to gain if you do. People will not get under your skin as easily because you define yourself based on your own set of standards you live by. You will feel comfortable speaking up because your opinion matters and you deserve to be heard. You will feel more confident in your abilities to handle tough situations because you see yourself as someone who is capable to overcome challenges. Guard self-respect with your life and you will be bold, you will be undeterred by failure, and you will be committed to your mission beyond measure.

Pitfalls to Avoid:

• Thinking your voice doesn’t deserve to be heard.
• Abandoning your principles when things get tough.
• Saying a bunch of bullshit that makes the ego feel good but that isn’t true when you define yourself.

Key Takeaways:

• Without self-respect, when things get tough, you will give in to the pressure and retreat to old, ugly habits.
• Self-respect and a negative self-image cannot coexist.
• Give yourself a reason to respect yourself by taking actions committed to your mission.

Taking Action:

If you had to take one small step toward your mission, what would that look like? Let go of being concerned about making huge strides, and focus on one small thing you can do for your mission.