I was bored one day and went on Tinder for some entertainment. I wrote the same message to like 20 matches and here are a few responses I got (the rest unmatched me):

Me: Hi my name’s Julian but some people spell it f-u-c-k-b-o-y.

One warm response:

“Hi my name’s (redacted) but some people spell it g-o-f-u-c-k-y-o-u-r-s-e-l-f.”

Another one:

“WOW TBH U R A DOOSH”

And another:

“gfto here. Im lookin for my husband on here not sum low-life fuckboi”

Now, gentle reader, you tell me the truth: Would an actual “fuckboy” say that about himself? Of course not. The douches of the world are looking to lure babes in with their mirror pics and spray-on tans.

We all have some trait, label, or association that is commonly projected at us. It’s that one thing, that, no matter what, seems to follow you everywhere. Do you want to be on the run from labels your entire life, or do you want to put them to rest?

This post is not meant to cover up a truth you need to face. It’s not meant to tell yourself some lie to avoid facing something that you may not want to. There are harsh truths we have to come to terms with. But there are also disrespectful remarks people throw at us that we need to know how to deal with. This post is focused on putting those disrespectful labels to rest.

Now, I will be straight up with you. Can you always find humor in a label? The answer is no. Some labels are really messed up, and there is nothing funny about them. It’s one thing when someone is projecting an insecurity at you, but it’s a whole other thing when someone is trying to find the most hurtful name to throw at you. Even so, I believe 95% of the labels thrown at us, we can find humor in them. To fight off that 95% consider the following:

Embrace it.

To find humor in a label the first thing you have to do is embrace it. To be clear – embracing the label does not mean you agree with it. Embracing the label means you don’t fight it, and can even joke about it.

You can try to outrun this label, but it knows every shortcut to cut you off and gang up on you. And the more you’re concerned about running away from it, the more it’s going to sting.

But if you embrace it upfront, you realize this label isn’t such a scary thing. Embracing it shows not only that you’re aware of it, but that you’re also not afraid to face it head-on, which takes the thrill away from the hater.

How to embrace the label? Think about it. Reflect on it. You can reveal the absurdity in it by doing this. By not fighting it you will realize how foolish it is, and it’ll be funny to you.

Go along with it.

I’m at the gym talking to a friend and some trainer intervenes to offer me his keen observation:

Personal Trainer:  WAAAT HAPPENNED? YOU GOT FAAAAAAAT

Me: Oh yeah?

Personal Trainer: YOU USED TO BE IN SHAPE BUT NOW YOU ARE FAAAAT.

Me: I’m trying to get on your level.

His face drops.

Personal Trainer: Y-you kidding me? Look at me.

Me: I’d rather not go blind.

He frets and walks away.

When someone comes at you like this, the last thing they expect you to do is go along with it. Going along with it takes away the surprise the hater wants to see. They’re looking for that raw reaction. The hater is looking for the thrill of seeing you offended. But if you go along with it like it’s all fun and games, it destroys their satisfaction. In turn, they will be the one offended, and likely get butthurt in the process (i.e. the personal trainer).

Going along with it does not mean get into an argument. It doesn’t mean justify yourself, ever. That’s not going along with it; that’s going against it. Going along with it means you’ve found the humor, and you’ve flipped a hurtful situation into a playful one.

The personal trainer’s remarks were funny to me, and I was even a bit disappointed he walked away so soon. It had been all fun and games to me that I was a bit let down he ended it so prematurely.

You can’t fake this. There is no pretending. When someone comes at you out of nowhere keep in mind to never to stoop to their level and return an insult for an insult. Instead, make it a habit to approach it from a playful manner. Doing this with enough repetition will make it instinct to have fun with the situation whenever someone projects a label at you.

Are you taking yourself too seriously?

I lived with a guy whose friends were ruthless to him. They’d roast him about all sorts of things, but the most common one was that he “looked like a 5th grader with a dyke haircut.” The first time I saw this I thought he’d get pissed, but he was actually laughing as hard as his friends were.

There is a difference between disrespectful labels and friendly jabs. If you’re not okay with being the butt of the joke, then you may be a stubborn ass.

What prevents people from loosening up and being able to laugh at themselves usually is their ego. They view themselves as so high and mighty, that anyone who dares poke fun at them is the asshole.

It’s important to take things you value seriously. Your family, friendships, personal goals, your health. Being a good parent, a good friend doesn’t require needing to think you are a big deal. Taking care of your health, improving a skill, requires action, not egotism.

“My work is my work. I take my work seriously but I don’t take myself too seriously.”

– Tina Fey

Think about someone who takes their self too serious. Are they fun to be around? Do they find humor in situations? It’s unlikely. If you take yourself too seriously, then it will prevent you from finding the humor in situations and make the labels sting much worse.

Principle: Find humor in the labels.

The first step is to embrace the label rather than fight it. And if you go along with it, it’ll take away the surprise the hater is looking for. They want to catch you off guard, but by showing you have no problem facing the label, and can even poke fun about it, it will destroy their satisfaction.

Of course, it’s uncomfortable to find humor in something that’s hurtful. But I promise you, if you can, you will disarm future attacks and put the labels to rest.

Pitfalls to Avoid:

• Trying to outrun the labels.
• Arguing or becoming defensive the moment someone projects a label at you.
• Not being able to laugh at yourself.

Key Takeaways:

• Embracing the label doesn’t mean you agree with it, but that you’re not afraid of it and can even joke about it.
• Taking yourself too seriously prevents you from finding humor in the situation.
• Finding humor in labels takes away its power. 

Taking Action:

Let go of fighting against the label, and make it a habit to go along with them by finding the humor.