Since twelve years young, my reputation goes something like this:

Guy #1: Do you know Julian?

Guy #2: You mean the Cocky Asshole Stand-Offish Arrogant Douchebag Fuckboy who walks around like he owns the world?

Guy #1: Yeah him.

I’m of the mindset that my personality is diametrically opposed to all of those things, but everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Haters. They’re everywhere. We can’t escape them. And the more we look to better ourselves, the more haters we will indeed attract. It’s the cost of becoming the strongest version of yourself.

If there’s one thing I know about haters, it’s that they are always trying to bait you into their trap. A comment here, an insult there – they’re looking to get a reaction out of you. And if we’re not careful, the moment we bite their bait, we’ve fallen for their trap. We’ve been sucked in, and now are playing their game.

And biting the bait can be something as simple as responding to their comments. To start arguing back. Feeling the need to defend yourself. It’s a tricky approach they use to get under your skin.

But if you learn how to fend off the haters, no longer will the labels, insults, and cheap shots affect you. In fact, understanding this post will actually make the haters’ futile attempts to hurt you downright comical.

How would your life be different if the haters didn’t bother you? I can guarantee you there would be an inner-contentment and happiness with where you’re at. Not to say you’re not excited for life, but learning to fend off the haters will take enjoyment to the next level.

I’ll cut right to the chase on the top thing to focus on to fend off the haters:

Let go of the need to justify yourself to others.

It’s difficult to find an inner-contentment if we’re looking to justify ourselves constantly. Do you really want to spend your time and energy trying to prove yourself to people who don’t respect you? The truth is, we can’t get everyone to like us, nor should we try. If we’re trying to get everyone to like us, then we have a weak identity.

“Live your life as an exclamation rather than an explanation.”

– Isaac Newton

How dare they say that to me we think. Trying to give a piece of your mind to that person who has “wronged” you will only contribute to the game they’re playing. It’s walking directly into their trap. The only way to disarm these type of attacks is to show them their attack is meaningless.

I could care less about spending the time of my day worrying about all the labels people associate me with. They’re welcome to have their opinion if it makes them feel happy.

When you’re able to get past feeling the need to prove yourself, it’s amazing how much more at peace you will feel. It will free you from being consumed by other people’s projections.

“The best way to counter-attack a hater is to make it blatantly obvious their attack has had no impact on you.”

Tim Ferriss

In fact, if you embrace the labels and poke fun at them, they lose their power. It reveals the absurdity of it and makes the hater look stupid. It shows they’ve had no effect on you. To be clear, embracing the label doesn’t mean you agree with it. It shows you’re aware of it, not bothered by it, and could care less if it’s thrown at you or not.

If I fought back to every person who’s attacked me, I’d pass out from never-ending exhaustion. Making it obvious their attacks have no impact on you only highlights how stupid that person’s attack is. It reveals how childish they really are. And when a child has thrown a tantrum around you, chances are it didn’t have an impact on you.

A way to help let go of the need to justify yourself also involves being comfortable with negative ideas projected at you.

None of us are perfect; it’s what makes us human. Not everything about us is positive. The more you want to defend and prove yourself, the more a hater has gotten under your skin. It gives the hater satisfaction.

The remedy to this is to simply be okay with any negative comments thrown at you. Just like embracing labels, be okay with imperfection. Let go of the need to feel perfect, and gravitate toward having a growth mindset.

This can be challenging, and it will take time, but once you become comfortable with this idea, your life will change. Not only will haters have less of an effect on you, but any unnecessary self-criticism will disappear as well.

All this means is don’t fight people’s remarks. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. But let go of resisting everyone’s attack. It will turn the shots fired at you into rubber, and they will bounce off of your psychological armor.

Principle: Let go of the need to justify yourself to others.

Reacting and giving a hater a piece of your mind is walking directly into their trap. Simply choosing to explain yourself to haters is going to cause you more harm than good. Do you really think if someone is attacking you, by justifying yourself, a hater will be rational and understanding?

Pitfalls to Avoid:

• Giving someone a piece of your mind.
• Confusing embracing a label with agreeing with it.
• Feeling the need to be “perfect.”

Key Takeaways:

• Don’t give haters the satisfaction of an overreaction.
• Embrace and poke fun at the label to show it has no impact on you.
• Swallow your pride, and be okay with negative ideas projected at you.

Taking Action:

Sometimes removing yourself from a behavior is a form of action. Doing less, or in this case, nothing at all takes practice. It’s a form of action. Next time you cross paths with a hater, practice this principle…by doing nothing at all.