First dates are truly a special thing. Excitement and nerves merge, intrigue and emotions heighten, mystery and hope collide.

You learn new things about that person, your curiosity continues to peak…

And then, something magical happens…

A direct connection is born. Two people seemingly become a mirror image of each other. Their eyes lock, their posture is identical, even their breathing patterns become the same – as if two heartbeats become one.

Inseparable rapport, you’ve found that person who understands you unlike anyone else ever has.

Or…

Chastity: So what do you do?

Me: I’m in my final semester of college and work as a mentor on campus.

Chastity: K.

Me: It’s pretty cool, we do in-class activities with students and work with professors. I worked with one professor who, believe it or not, stood on a desk and started screaming and ripping phone books the first day.  

Chastity’s arms cross. Perhaps she was having trouble containing her amazement about my awesome job…right..?

Chastity: K.

Still a bit silent…lost for words, maybe? Inspired in a way that no words could truly express her feelings?

The hopeless romantic in me certainly hoped so…

Me: We also travel sometimes and present at conferences.

Her eyes study me like she’s accessing if I meet her minimum requirements or not. 

Chastity: Mhm…I’m just used to dating older, successful men.

Welp, that was nice while it lasted. Maybe in 20 years I’ll meet half of that criteria…

Me: Alrighty.

Chastity: …Ugh..on my last date this guy was cross-eyed.

Ok…what the heck is wrong with a cross-eyed individual? Perhaps they see you In a way that nobody else possibly could.

Me: Oh yeah?

Chastity: Yeah, that date lasted 5 minutes. I was out. HAHA.

This was not a time for a mere “haha” This was time for Julian to get the hell outta this trainwreck of a date.

So…that’s exactly what I didn’t do.

Me: You have a lot of 5 minutes dates?

Chastity: Actually I do.

I have a blank stare. My skepticism mirrors hers. This wasn’t the type of commonality I was hoping for…

And then, she said it.

Chastity: …I’m not crazy…unless a guy gives me a reason to be.

Shit. If that’s not a red STAGE FIVE CRAZY flag, then I don’t know what is. 

Such a LOGICAL statement, too.

I’m not stupid unless someone gives me a reason to be.

I’m not unfaithful unless someone gives me a reason to be.

I’m not obsessive unless someone gives me a reason to be.

*Crazy Logic*

Me: Fer sure.

Wish I could say the date was over after that, but that simply isn’t true. We ended up dating for months…

I know, I know.

***

You’re probably thinking what the hell was wrong with me? And you have every right to think that. The main reason is that I either ignored or glanced over the red flags that were right in front of me.

I’m sure you haven’t missed a red flag of this magnitude, but I can guarantee you if you’ve dated a crazy then there was a red flag that went unnoticed.

Yes, some red flags are more subtle than others, but people are always leaking their true intentions, no matter how carefully concealed. And the way to spot a crazy is not only attention to detail but also by not postponing action.

Beware of the temptation of thinking you can’t be tricked. I would never dare cross this boundary. You might as well throw yourself into the lion’s den if you’re of that mindset. Survival will be a mere slim chance to none.

The truth is, spotting Crazies and learning how to handle them is a never-ending skill that requires a lifetime investment of continual education. It’s a means of protection – protecting your self-respect, emotional state, and freedom. Even if you haven’t dated crazies, I’m sure your friends have. If you care for your friends, and value looking after them, then knowledge of this topic is indispensable.

I’ve come up with some simple questions for you to ask yourself so you can spot a crazy before it’s too late:

Are they doing a ridiculous amount of nice things for you right when you start dating?

Believe it or not, this could be a red flag as it may be used against you down the road. It could also be used as a means to reel you in. You should be more suspicious, not flattered, when someone goes out of their way to do nice things before getting to know you.

Watch out especially if they say they love you very early in the relationship. That person may be sweet talking you, and when someone sweet talks you, it’s just a tactic to get something they want.

They may not be in love with you, but in love with getting you into bed or getting into your pockets. Or it’s possible they’re very needy, and needy people typically become very jealous and possessive when you’re not spending every moment with them. Crazy stuff. Be wary if you notice this.

Are they rushing the relationship and pressuring you to move faster than you’re comfortable with?

Perhaps he gave you the key to his place on the second date. Maybe she’s sending subliminal messages such as “I expect a ring on my finger within a year of dating someone.” …Hmmm, I wonder what that person is really saying.

If they’re committed to you for the long term, then why would rushing anything be necessary? There’s something else boiling beneath the surface that does not involve what’s best for you.

It may feel like someone rushing a relationship is in love with you, but there’s a good chance that they’re in love with having a boyfriend/girlfriend. Or they could simply be using you as a veil to cover up some other pain they’re running away from (especially if they’ve recently gotten out of a previous relationship). 

Do you find yourself rationalizing and giving their immaturity a free pass?

“He only put a tracker on my car because he cares”

“I mean…she probably only made a Facebook of my cat without telling me because she was bored.”

If you catch yourself having thoughts along these lines, take that as a major red flag.

I’ve never met a mature crazy person. If you notice immature behavior, make the connection that it’s only unfolding a much worse scenario. Don’t fool yourself. If you give them a free pass, The Crazy Wrath is just beginning to stir. The worst is yet to come.

How does that person act under stress? Does their personality seem to do a full 180?

Do you expect there to never be stress in a relationship? Unless you’re a fan of a rollercoaster relationship, being with someone who freaks out over the most insignificant things will wear you out.

If you want to talk about an important issue with who you’re dating, but are afraid of making them explode, then you may be dating a Crazy. If you notice they throw a fit when they don’t get her way, then I have bad news for you…

Watch out if they use excuses that absolve them of responsibility: 

“I said that because I was mad”

“That’s just how I am”

“I’m not crazy unless a guy gives me a reason to be”

… a dead giveaway that I completely dismissed. Those are words coming from a distinguished Stage 5 Crazy.

Principle: Spot red flags quicker by asking yourself the above questions.

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, then you may, in fact, be dating a crazy. Interpret this as a good thing, rather than a bad thing – now you can save yourself months, years, or even decades of pain and disappointment.

The #1 pitfall is thinking you’re above being fooled by a Crazy. Overestimating your judgment is the biggest reason people are fooled. It’s a dangerous type of pride that only creates delusion.

I caution you not because I don’t think you’re capable of being a strong person, but because we are all capable of falling for the games a Crazy may play on you.

You aren’t god, you are human.

I know the danger of not taking red flags seriously and am urging you not to make the mistakes I made so you can experience fulfilling, meaningful relationships.

Taking Action:

If you suspect you’re dating a crazy, ask yourself the questions listed above to get out before it’s too late. If you answer yes to any of them, then it’s time to pause and reflect if this person is really worth having in your life.

If not…

then

you

may

not

be

so

luc-