Can Worrying Improve Your Circumstances?9 min read

Somehow, someway, my friend Christian and I got hired to be summer camp counselors for 4th graders. 

Christian looks like a heedless alcoholic with a permanent confused look on his face, so he must have killed it in his interview.

And I look like a Cocky Douche Fuckboy, yet they still hired me. No, I didn’t do great in my interview. I gave stupid answers such as “having fun” is the top priority for summer camp counselors (the correct answer I later learned is safety).

I pick Christian up, and we head over for the first day of training, which for some reason was 45 minutes away from the worksite. Just minutes after getting on the freeway an alert goes off in my car.

Me: Uh…guess what?

Christian: What??

Me: My tire pressure is at seven psi.

Christian: Do you think we can make it there??

We had thirty minutes to go and he really asked that.

Me: We are on the freeway driving 75 miles per hour. No, I don’t think a tire pressure of seven psi will survive that.

I pull over just seconds before the tire pressure deflates to zero. 

Me: Haha, damn that was a close one.  

Christian: Uhh…don’t you care that we’re gonna be LATE for the FIRST meeting for our NEW JOB.

Since when did Christian decide to be punctual? I actually expected him to be more on the indifferent side.

Me: I’m just not a worrier.

Christian: Well maybe you should be!

Me: “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but doesn’t get you anywhere.”

Yes, that was a quote from Van Wilder, one of my favorite childhood movies (right behind American Pie and Road Trip). 

Christian: That is a DOGSHIT quote.

Me: This is a DOGSHIT situation. But who cares. The best we can do is call Triple A, call the boss, and chill the fuck out. The world isn’t ending.

I thought Christian was overreacting , but then it was like a switch flipped.

Christian: WHY DON’T YOU CARE???

Me: I do. 

Christian: WELL WHY DON’T YOU ACT LIKE IT

Me: I am.

Christian: NO! YOU DON’T LOOK UPSET AT ALL!

Me: Last time I checked MY car has a flat tire. Not yours. Why are you more upset about this than me? 

Christian: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH

***

For the record, we were only twenty minutes late – just in time to skip all those pointless ice-breakers speakers have you do at training, no matter what job you have.

But the much larger question, if worrying can improve your circumstances or not, needs to be answered. Is it harmless, or harmful? If you don’t worry about something does that mean you don’t care about it? To find out, read on.

What Worrying Accomplishes

“We suffer more often in imagination than in reality”

Seneca

Worrying makes us reactive 

Being reactive is when a person’s emotions control their behavior rather than being in charge of how they act. A reactive mind is an irrational mind that seeks immediate gratification of acting on impulse. Reactive people are the most easily manipulated because they don’t choose how they respond to events, but rather respond based on their first rush of emotions. 

Worrying makes us reactive because we become so fixated on something beyond our control. Our emotions become dependent on the success or failure of an outcome. Tension in the body grows, fear in the mind heightens, the shadow in the spirit expands. In a sense, you’re putting all your eggs in one basket – hanging on by a thread based on the final result.

Not much different than a puppet having its strings pulled, the worrier is easily provoked by the slightest stir of events. 

Worrying makes us hesitant 

A worrier puts more trust in their fears than in their abilities. And when the stakes are at the highest, the moment when immediate action is of the highest priority, you freeze. Hesitation, doubt, indecisiveness floods the mind. 

That small window of time when you need to act quickly, is, well, a very small window. It vanishes as quickly as it appears, which is why we cannot afford to let meaningless worries dominate our thinking. If we do, we miss that small window – whether it be a window of opportunity, a window for your safety, or a window to act with courage – if you don’t seize it, it’s likely because worry seized you. 

Worrying breeds shortsightedness

Obsessing over what could go wrong, playing negative scenarios over and over in your head, seeing only problems and never solutions will, without question, narrow your focus and make you shortsighted.

When we’re shortsighted, our awareness diminishes onto only one or two things that will stir up our emotions. Shortsightedness causes us to lose the ability to see beyond current obstacles, and instead, “zooms in” our focus on immediate yet unimportant matters.

When we’re shortsighted…

Thinking what’s best for the long term goes extinct.

Prioritizing what’s most important is put on hold.

Living for a higher purpose is forgotten. 

Shortsightedness makes us focus on one small detail, causing us to lose sight of the big picture. But more often than not, when viewed in full, the big picture is bright as day, boundless as night.

Worrying only adds to conflict

Those that claim worrying helps them have never truly experienced the empowering feeling of being calm, composed, and decisive in moments of uncertainty.  

Problem-solving doesn’t require worrying. It requires strategy.

Overcoming obstacles doesn’t require worrying, it requires resilience.

Taking action does not require worrying, it requires discipline.

You already have enough pressure on you, why add more?

Anticipating pitfalls vs. worrying

It’s important to keep in mind that anticipating pitfalls isn’t the same thing as worrying.

Anticipating potential pitfalls is for the purpose of mitigating risk in order to take the most effective actions moving forward. Worrying does not mitigate risk, worrying increases risk. As described above, it makes us hesitant, reactive, and causes us to lose sight of the big picture which will only make circumstances worse.

People that are worrying are operating purely off of fear, whereas people that are anticipating pitfalls are operating purely off of strategy. Strategy to mitigate risk, strategy to face the enemy, strategy to overcome.

What actually improves your circumstances:

Small steps forward

Action cures fear. It doesn’t have to be life-changing actions you need to take. In fact, I’d advise against that. It’s the small steps forward, the daily disciplines, the minute changes we make that compound over time into a large transformation. With time and commitment, your growth and progress will be undeniable. 

People will take note and frame you as an “overnight success” because most don’t notice the small things – the new habits you develop, the slightest change in attitude, the principles you apply to your life – they only notice the breakthroughs. But the breakthroughs start in private, one small step at a time.

Part ways with victimhood

It simply is not possible to overcome your challenges if you still view yourself as a victim. It may not be fair, what you’re up against, but it is your responsibility to overcome it. Parting ways with victimhood isn’t meant to minimize the challenge you’re up against. The reason to part ways is so you can turn that pain into your purpose, to not only overcome it but to thrive in spite of it. 

Find a compelling incentive

The power of the human spirit knows no limits. Igniting this fire is all about finding a compelling incentive that fuels you like nothing else. When you find your compelling incentive, you don’t need or look to others to hold you accountable – you hold yourself accountable. 

A compelling incentive is different for everyone. But one thing that is consistent is that they are not fueled by shallow, superficial gain – money, fame, status – they’re fueled by something innately meaningful that contributes to a purpose-driven life. 

Stay calm, composed, & decisive

Worry wants you to act on that first rush of emotions, because it knows those are the most irrational ones. If you act on your first rush of emotions without a thought, then you get sucked into the emotional vortex, which brings out the worst in you. All the good virtues – patience, fortitude, kindness, to name a few – are gone when we act on impulse.  

Worry wants you to second guess yourself, especially when you have a gut-feeling that you should do something. Worry knows that it doesn’t always need you to give up or quit to be successful. Worry knows sometimes all it takes is a hesitation for it to defeat you. 

Proactive minded

A proactive mind is the opposite of a reactive mind:

A person with a reactive mind is fixated on something outside of their control. Their mood is dependent on things they cannot influence – the weather, how another person responds to them, waiting in line, traffic – the list goes on. Having a reactive mind is like letting someone/something else roll the dice on how you will feel.

People with a proactive mind make sense of how they feel based on their self-talk. Having an internal dialogue that is solution-focused, that is uplifting, that is honest but without judgment is healthy self-talk. A proactive mind is capable of finding contentment in chaos, forgiveness in betrayal, and opportunity in difficulty.

***

Christian ended up being really fun to work with. We actually had some situations at summer camp that would put most people in a panic (such as losing a kid), but he was cool, calm, and collected throughout it all. 

I truly believe choosing to skip worrying and go directly into solution-seeking mode will work greatly for your benefit.  It’s gotten me out of quite a few messy situations…

I’ve been held in contempt of court. 

Wasn’t worried.

I’ve had death threats from ex-girlfriends.

Wasn’t worried.

I’ve witnessed a cocaine-crazed little Asian man threatening to kill a house full of people. Worried in the slightest?

 Heck, I was entertained.

Worrying is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you truly care about something, then look for solutions, not more problems. You don’t need to worry to care, you need to look for solutions to care.  

Sometimes the solution is to be patient. Sometimes the solution is to broaden your perspective. Sometimes the solution is to search for a new strategy. Solutions are acts of care. 

The next time you decide you’re not going to worry and someone tries to guilt-trip you saying that you don’t care, ignore those words. At the same time, don’t hold it against them – they don’t understand yet, but maybe you can show them with your actions. 

Find solutions, not more problems.

Own your situation. Adopt a proactive mindset. Find a compelling incentive. Take small steps forward. 

Stay calm.

Stacy composed.

Stacy decisive.