Think of that annoying kid in fifth grade who bragged about all the participation trophies he got despite coming in 18th place. Now, imagine an adult version of that kid dressed up in an orange polo with plaid shorts that only trust fund babies wear, and voila, you have Frat Boy. The only thing missing…
I’m writing at a local Starbucks, and some guy I’d see there from time to time sits next to me. He looked like Jacob from the movie Road Trip: long-ish blond hair styled similar to a bowl-cut, but all over the place like he’d just walked out of the strip club. Know-it-all glasses complemented with…
Being the king of coming up with dumb ideas, I thought it’d be a great idea to take a cheap, blow-up inflatable raft into the ocean that I bought on Amazon. Also note that this wasn’t a beach that had essentially no current with waves flat as your ex’s pancake butt. This was a surfer’s…
Elle and I had been dating for a solid couple weeks and things were going better than expected. There were no public scenes being made, no beating people with a shoe, no threatening airline stuartists. Everything was going beyond my hopes and dreams. But then something out of the blue happens: I get a message…
I’m at a party bullshittin’ with some friends but someone across the room captures my full attention: She had multi-color hair, a fun-size frame, and a smile that would make a virgin fall to his knees and cry. But what was most attractive is how she carried herself. She seemed comfortable with herself, uninterested in…
Six or seven nights a week I spend an hour or more laughing my ass off to the most random shit on the internet. And I mean howling laughter. I wake my roommates up. You can hear me across the street. You’d think I’m intoxicated, but I’m not. This is my fuck-around hour. It’s my…
If you haven’t read part one of Halloween Gone Wild, give it a quick read first. This is part two. I’d just stood my ground from some bitch-boy getting in my face. He and his supposed girlfriend walk away for what is his likely hourly punishment. Fiona and I take some more shots of Patron’…
It’s my first week at a university and I’m about to meet with a professor for a one-on-one writing session. We were instructed to write a paper about one of those pompous ass theorists who seem more interested in confusing you than making actual sense. The professor glances at my paper and her face looked…
I met a girl at some random spot in nature and we set up a date the next day. I insisted we do something like get coffee or walk by the pier but we ended up going on the most generic, underwhelming date ever – lunch. Lunch or dinner is my least favorite type of…
I’m at some random gym and have no idea where anything is. Some girl is working out next to me so I figure I’ll ask her where the pull-up bar is. She points it out and I walk over to that direction. But then some lady in her mid-50s, likely a former soccer mom and…
